Aaaahhhh……I rolled my shoulders to stretch out the kinks as I stood in front of my porcelain throne. I had only been gone a moment to use the bathroom, but when I came back into the room she was already on her feet with her purse on her shoulder waiting for me by the doorway.
“You’re leaving already?” I asked
“Yeah…it’s late and the trains are gonna go local, It’ll take me forever to get home…I’ll see you next week,” she stated a matter of factly.
“OK, I had a great time too” What the fuck? One minute she’s holding me in her arms and the next she’s out the door ?
Sabine – “Do you want me to stay?”
“Oh if you got to go, you gotta go.” I shrugged it off, but truth is I was pissed that she would just leave like this. With a quick peck on the cheek and something she may have whispered she turned her back and soon I was alone in a dark apartment. Neil was gone for the weekend, and apparently so were my plans with her.
Since we had met I had been pouring my heart and soul out to her;
“I never felt this way before…”
“I can’t even look at another girl…”
She was tall, attractive, smart, and she knew the most about me than my prior girlfriends. Secrets that we both shared and she didn’t judge me for that!
Maybe she doesn’t like me, maybe I’m not the type of guy that she would have sex with? How could she just leave right when it was about to HAPPEN!!!!
I called her the next evening over the phone, it was casual banter, which at the time, just seemed like stupid shit! But then she started talking about how she feels…..she feels…. So I asked,
“Am I the type of guy that you would have sex with?”
And that was it. She started blurting out these nonsensical crazy things, about how other girls must have been really slutty if they wanted to sleep with me, and I could just jump on some bandwagon by myself if I wanted to, what the fuck?!?
So I’m not worth shit? I did all these things for you…the whole week I’ve been throwing myself at you, doing everything you say and you can’t see that I deserve something?
I was angry and frustrated. Very very frustrated. She practically abused my body and didn’t even give a second thought to how I’m feeling….it’s all about her stupid feelings!
I’m done with this. I’m done with this. I’m telling her I’m done with this. I should have seen this, she never called it a “date”; she doesn’t like making out with me. I’m done with her!
But I can’t say those words as I stare at her on the train station platform. In a cream dress with lace straps. She looks stand offish, but I come towards her and embrace her in a hug, and she returns it. It has a calming effect on us.
So we talk, but talking to Sabine is like talking a computer. She just doesn’t fucking make sense or understand how shit works. How was she like with other guys?
“You never opened up in the past?” I inquired; surely she must have had 10 boyfriends by now.
“No didn’t have too…” she shrugged it off. You mean you didn’t care to, you just use men?
“Won’t you try? To open” I asked? Just be with me.
Sabine – “Which one? Emotionally or Physically?”
Sabine – “I guess”
Fine. Maybe I need to try harder. To show her how to open up, I need to open her up. We hung out the rest of the night; she watched her Korean movies, while I played video games on my computer. Right.
So I waited and waited, she’s practically a virgin – I could show her the world.
In the afternoon I called her and instructed her to go straight home where I would meet her.
I was trying to be respectable and show her how much she can trust me and I can please her. We had already talked about waiting, but I felt like the reason she didn’t want to have sex with me was because she thought I couldn’t please her. So I asked, “Sabine, tonight can I have you…In any way that I want?”
Is she hesitating?
“Yes” She replied.
I was nervous not because of performance anxiety but I wasn’t sure if she was fully consenting. So as I pinned her on the table, I threw the condoms by her head where she can see them, and slowly started with my fingers to make her wet.
From downstairs to upstairs, I began working on my dick and I couldn’t help but glance over.
Why is she just standing there, she could help out, you know?
“Get the condoms!” I said, I’m not sure if I had yelled that or not, but I could feel the weeks of building tension about to explode.
As I looked up I saw her slowly sorting through the colorful wrappers, talking incessantly about studded and magnums.
I fucking hate condoms. They are a necessary evil to wrap my dick; it completely destroys the principle of having sex.
“Just get me a condom, QUICK.” I said probably more fed-up.
She handed me a fistful of condoms and I slapped them down. “You gotta open it, first…why are you so dumb?!”
She doesn’t know anything about sex, I need foreplay and romance, and doing this by myself and she can’t even open the god damn wrapper!
I kneeled over her, and began with resistance to open her legs.
“Open your legs!” I demanded, as I used my own right leg to pin down her left leg and used my hand to hold the knee of her right.
Leaning in, it took a moment to …..find…..it. But then
“Why are you so tense?!” I asked. Why can’t she just fucking relax…..she doesn’t know how to have sex!!!
And it goes again:
I paced myself faster and faster, switching her over from her back to side as I could feel tension rising through my member. I gazed into her eyes, and I didn’t see pleasure just cold and emptiness staring back–not at me–just off somewhere. Occasionally, her mouth would twist or nose would crunch.
As I lay back, I could feel the euphoric vibes flow through me. The sweat glistened off my skin, the beat of the music from her iTunes playing, and—wait a minute–
“No, no, no don’t play with my dick,” I protested.
But she was still massaging my tired and emptied sac.
“No, I’m too sensitive….here come and cuddle with me,” I beckoned her. I wanted to give her a warm sense of intimacy and romance.
“Why?” Sabine looked at me, confused and maybe…disappointed?
Tired, I only gestured with my hands, I know I have to explain a lot of things to her, but this can’t be one of them.
As I wrapped my arms, I could feel that her skin was actually very cool but soft. And her curly hair tickled my neck. But after a few short moments, she got up put her robe on and walked out on me. Again.
Leaving me alone, naked in a dark room as she did before. As I gathered my thoughts about what to do or say next…maybe ask her how she feels? My thoughts were interrupted by the sound of Sabine hollering at me from another room.
Hey, remember when you told me your mom had to have a C-section because she’s a little person?” she asked. I couldn’t see her, but I know by now, that she’s not joking when she just randomly brings up this shit.
“Yeh” I replied.
“Just to clarify were you using the colloquial term to refer to a genetic condition also known as Dwarfism or is she simply shorter than the average person?”
What the FUCK is wrong with this chick?
Chapter 10: Mesh
“Hhhmmmm…well I think it’s a practical solution for two people…”
“That’s not a good enough reason for me to be with you.”