Who Am I?

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Dear readers,

I want to introduce this anonymous submission from a friend of mine. He broke up with his girlfriend of two years, a couple months ago. And on my suggestion, wrote a piece today about his feelings. Please show him your support!

@ReporterandGirl or Facebook or G+.

What kind of fucked up, dark, twisted question is that? What does that even mean? I’m asking, seriously. What defines someone? Our actions? Thoughts? Beliefs? What I do when no one is around? Or better yet, what I do when everyone is around?

When you break up with someone, there’s this pressure to reinvent yourself. To find out who you are. But to me, having to deal with a breakup feels a lot like dealing with a loss of a loved one. But the loss of a loved is not the same. Your loved one is out there loving someone else and there’s nothing you can do about it. And you get to hear about the loved one often, and you want to ask but you hold back because you’re told it’s unhealthy to ask.

Losing someone brings out the worst in me.

sad guy, S.C RhyneI can’t sleep.

I can’t eat.

I can’t think.

Drinking helps.

It blurs out the shit feelings that have been following me like a 12 o’clock shadow. A 12 o’clock shadow is seen by no one except me. I’m standing on it. Very close to me, not very visible. Just enough to surround my feet and remind me that no matter where I go, it will follow.

Bad choice after bad choice after bad choice. Who gives a shit and why? Keep them coming, I’m in this for the long haul.

One drink

Two drinks

Six drinks

I wake up in my bed.

At least I got a night of sleep without waking up in the middle of the night. It’s the only way I can fall asleep without tossing and turning. It’s the only way I sleep without waking up every hour reminded of all the good times we shared together.

Women come and go too.

One woman

Two women

Six women

I wake up alone in my bed.

“I’m not like that” some weird fuck tells me. “I’m not?” I ask myself. Maybe that’s exactly who I am. Maybe it’s not. Maybe that question is simply too complex for me to answer. It’s an unfair question to begin with, because it assumes we can fully understand ourselves. Society keeps pressuring us to find ourselves. We need to know ourselves before we are able to be the best version of ourselves we can be.

Fuck.sad guy, lonely guy, break up, S.C Rhyne

One drink

Two drinks

Six drinks

I wake up in my bed. At least the hangover distracts me from the emptiness I feel in my chest. It’s like an anxiety ball that keeps moving just enough to remind me it’s there.

Constantly.

Always.

Never leaves.

It lives there, at the mouth of my stomach, and plays around the bottom of my rib cage.

“Focus on the pain.” “Embrace it”. “Experience it”. Fuck, just writing about it makes my hand shake. As I’m writing this, my hand is shaking. Right now- I’m feeling it. Just the thought of it drives me crazy.

Deep breaths.

In. Out.

In. Out.

I tried meditating yesterday. Fucking impossible. The recording kept telling me to relax and take deep breaths. It kept telling me to relax and release the tension in my body. Just let it go. I couldn’t do it. I simply could not let go. I slept three hours last night.

Again, one drink

Two drinks

Six drinks

I wake up in my bed. It’s the only way I get a full night’s sleep.

Everyone keeps telling me it will be OK. It will, I know it will. But it’s not right now and that reassurance doesn’t make the anxiety ball go away. I think about all the good times and my heart dies a little.

I’ve given up on me. When I lower my standards, things come easy to me. But comfort is not happiness and it’s definitely not the marker of success. I’m settling for less. Again and again. It’s just easier to cope this way. I want to settle for less and convince myself this is who I am. But I know I’ll never be happy this way.

Never.

It’s not because I know who I am, but because I know who I’m not. And maybe that’s the key to answering the question.

I have so much anger bottled up in my chest it makes me crazy. I miss her so much it hurts. I miss her companionship, I miss my safety net. I miss having someone to call at any time just to shoot the shit. Just to check in. To learn about what’s going on in her life and actually care about it more than what’s going on in mine.

Keep digging into me. I’ll get up and heal. At some point. A couple of years back I learned a valuable lesson in the army. We can give so much more than we think. We can push our bodies that much more. The secret is willing to let your body go. Caring more about giving it your all, than being able to get up again.

One more push up.

One more kilometer.

One more drink.

guy sit ups, guy working out, men exercising, fat guy exercising, S.C. RhyneThis mindset is a double edged sword. I can always push my liver. I can always push my brain into oblivion. How can I know my limits when I’m used to pushing the boundaries of my body. Another shot, another drink, another and another. Push, push, push and then I wake up in my bed.

One drink

Two drinks

Six drinks

I wake up in my bed.

And here I am, without being found. Just me- trying to figure it all out. And maybe this is the beauty in life. We don’t need to figure ourselves out. Just go out there and experience emotion. Love, laugh, be sad, get embarrassed. Appreciate all this because after all, I’d rather feel than not. Even if those feelings are negative, at least I know I’m alive.

–Anonymous

Why Exercise is Good For Your Heart

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We have all heard about exercise being good for the heart as well as every muscle in the body. The heart is a muscle, and it gets stronger and healthier if one leads an active life. It’s never too late to start exercising, and everyone at any fitness level can do something, even taking a brisk walk for 30 minutes a day can make a big difference.

Now, most folks agree that there is a physiological benefit to regular exercise, but what I’m proposing is that there is also a psychological benefit.

People who regularly exercise show positive moods and have lower rates of Depression. Even those who are diagnosed with mental health problems still benefit from regular exercise. Here are some key benefits:

Improved Self-Esteem

self-esteem, self-worth, S.C. Rhyne, Interracial dating, blog New york novelistPhysically, exercise releases hormones called endorphins. These chemicals interact with receptors in the brain to reduce pain (ever heard of runner’s high, or nature’s pain meds?). Endorphin can also make you feel positive or a sense of euphoria. And over time as your body shape changes (losing weight or inches, or gaining muscle) and your health improves (climbing the stairs or chasing after the bus), your self-esteem also improves in the long term too.

In Practice

Right after a break up we all go through; “What was wrong with me?” “Did I gain weight?” “Did s/he no longer find me attractive?” First off, if anyone is shallow enough to cheat or break up with a partner for physical changes, then you are better off without him or her. But regular exercise during tough times can improve your sense of self-worth because everyday you’re setting goals and pushing yourself (running that extra mile, lifting that extra 50 lbs…etc).

After my break up and when I was let go from work; going to the gym was what saved me. I always take classes because I prefer instruction as well as I get to socialize with other people in the class. It got me out of the house six days a week, instead of waking up in the morning “to do nothing” and stare at the walls. But when I came back home afterward, I always felt more positive about myself and my sense of worth (yes, I did feel worthless sometimes).

Distraction

no pain no gain, S.C. Rhyne, pain is gain, exercise meme, inspiration, Sabrien CollinsLet’s face it, if you recently have gone through a break up or lost your job or even a loved one; doing something, just about anything, to distract you from the pain in your heart or the anxiety of finding a job is good. As long as those distractions aren’t alcohol or drugs.

If you’re laying in bed or sitting at home and thinking dwelling on negative thoughts that feed Depression and Anxiety, then you need to do something to distract you. Emotional pain is the worst pain one can have, there is not an ointment, pill, or an injection that can reach deep enough to heal a broken heart. However, dwelling and negative thinking will only make that pain worse. Exercise is a distraction that can get you to stop thinking those negative thoughts.

In Practice

Losing my job was devastating. I constantly thought about how I was a top-performer at work, but if I had pushed a little harder then maybe when it came down to the decision, they would have chosen another person and not me. That type of negative thinking would have definitely put me in the dumps to hinder my job search. Not to mention, the thoughts I had weren’t true. However, during my time of unemployment, I went to the gym 3 hours a day and vigorously pushed myself through boot camp and aerobics. The hours of cardiovascular and muscle training had left me in pain nearly everyday. Trust me when I say I had a hard time walking in the morning. But something about displacing that emotional pain for the physical one, kept those nasty thoughts at bay.

Hell, I guess thinking about my quad muscles falling off the bone was a great distraction!

So here are some tips if you’ve never exercised:

Start small, again, going for a walk for 30 minutes can vastly improve your mood and health. If you’re thinking of joining a gym, many will let you try their facilities for free before you commit to any membership or program. The most important thing is that you enjoy it, and that the classes or facilities can accommodate your needs. Memberships can be expensive, but the good news is that many health insurance companies will reimburse you for membership costs.

Exercise is good for the broken heart. Its one of the best coping mechanisms for the mind, body, and soul. Obviously, those who have physical or mental health problems, should consult with their healthcare provider before starting any type of exercise regimen. Physical activity is the one thing I look forward to everyday; and after exercising today and spending 3 and half hours playing softball afterwards, I was inspired to write this post. This week, I started to feel the anxiety of waiting to hear from grad schools and its nearing the anniversary of one the worst periods of my life with Jon.

But guess what? I didn’t really think about it much today.

Follow me on G+, Facebook and Twitter and tell me what you think about exercising the pain away!

Coping With a Breakup 101: Top Tips to Help Get Over The Ex

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Breakups are hard to overcome, and moving on can feel nearly impossible. You may want to just stay in bed and eat, but the best way to move on from a breakup is to get up, get out and get active. Refocus your mind away from the emotional pain and start moving your life forward. The three things to remember: be social, be active, be open to possibilities. Here are a few tips in these areas:

Be Social

Surround yourself with friends and family, and make an effort to meet new people. Visit websites like Meetup.com to find clubs for like-minded people who get out socialize. Groups range from knitting circles, sports teams, hiking groups, motorcycle clubs and independent filmmaker workshops.

Social interaction is healthy and will help you stop thinking about your miserable ex. By joining new groups, you might even pick up an unexpected hobby and find new ways to express yourself:

Like blogging!

Be Active

Another outlet for those sorrowful feelings is exercise. Go for a hike or a run. Get out your aggression through cardio, boxing or weightlifting. Try Pilates, yoga or Zumba. The endorphins produced through physical activity can alleviate those sad, yucky feelings and get you to see things in a more positive light. Endorphins also help by improving self-esteem and positivity and reducing your perception of pain. So get up off the couch and go for a run—it will even be a sweet bonus if you happen to run into your ex and have the chance to show off your newly fit body!

Go out dancing. Get some friends together and take a beginners dance class. Chose from tap, swing, hip hop, ballet, or ballroom—the style doesn’t matter. What’s important is that you’re getting out, taking part in an upbeat activity and getting those endorphins flowing.

Even a night out dancing at a club can be a great time among friends. And remember: Don’t take yourself too seriously. If you dance goofy then dance goofy. Laughing and smiling will help you feel better.

Be Open to New Possibilities

Always be open-minded about new possibilities. Go to a museum. Attend a local food or culture festival. Listen to live music in your local area. Ever tried boating? Boating is a fun activity that gets you outdoors, and with the wind blowing through your hair, you’ll feel your troubles melt away. If you have never done it before, now is a great time to learn. Research the best boating spots in your area and go online to obtain your boating license if necessary.

Take advantage of the different seasons and choose activities that pique your interest. From sight-seeing right in your own backyard or learning something new, to hiking, dancing, boating and running—these are the healthful activities that will have you on your way to emotional healing in no time.

The key to moving on after breakups is staying active. While it may seem impossible to crawl out of bed, you will be happier when you do. Remember to try new things and to be social. There is hope after a breakup, you just have to believe it and go discover it.

So stop reading already, get up, and do something!

S.c Rhyne

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Top 4 American Cities for Starting Over

fresh start, moving on, letting go, the reporter and the girl, s.c rhyne, interracial relationships blog, arrow pointing

Life is a journey, and for many of us our journey takes us to new and vibrant places for a handful of reasons across the span of our lifetime such as landing a dream job, starting a family, or moving on to the next chapter in life. For those who are looking for a fresh place to hang their hats, the following four American cities are wonderful places to start over.

Anchorage, Alaska

From its awe-inspiring scenic beauty and relatively low unemployment rate to its strong local economy, Anchorage is a top city to live and work. For people looking to elevate their careers, consider that over a quarter of the companies in Anchorage are planning on hiring new workers, with job prospects in the financial, construction, education, leisure and health service industries being especially strong, according to MSN. Job seekers who are looking for a new career and a promising job market are sure to do well with a move way up north. Forget the all-work no-play mentality—Anchorage is a great for location for outdoor enthusiasts to play—hiking, biking, kayaking, skiing, and other outdoor adventures wait outside of your door each day if you move to this city.

I lived in Anchorage for a short period and have thought about going back to get away from things.

Johnson City, Tennessee

For people who have had enough of sky-high rents and astronomical grocery bills, The Volunteer State offers a very low cost of living. Tennessee has no income tax and is second to only Oklahoma for its budget-friendly living expenses, according to Business Insider. Known as Tennessee’s Green City, Johnson City has earned top honors, receiving the state’s first Green City Leadership award for its environmental efforts. Eco-conscious folks who relocate to Tennessee will find that the rent or mortgage on their new home is so reasonable, they will have plenty of wiggle room in the budget for home improvement projects, such as adding green features like energy efficient windows, new roofing, and custom doors to their new abode.

Phoenix, Arizona

Although the capital of Arizona was hit especially hard during the recent recession, the city is bouncing back to be better than ever. Many homes are now available at extremely reasonable prices and people ages 20-29 are flocking to this city. Phoenix is also home to a number of major corporations, including Intel, PetSmart, Motorola, and top employers include Bank of America and Wal-Mart. Granted, Phoenix gets pretty toasty in the summer with temperatures that easily top 110 degrees on some days, but as former Northeasterners who now call Phoenix home like to say, “You don’t have to shovel sunshine.” The weather is gorgeous for the majority of the year, the employment outlook is positive, and there’s a plethora of fantastic restaurants and a rich culture—all of these things help make Phoenix a great place for young people to reinvent themselves.

Bethesda, Maryland

Moms and dads who hold education in high regard and wouldn’t mind switching careers should consider Bethesda, Maryland. The area has an exceptionally low unemployment rate of around 5 percent, which is over 2 points lower than the national average, according to Forbes. In addition, the housing market is very strong, and the state is listed as number one in the entire country for its school systems. Boasting a great quality of life, Bethesda often appears on on lists ranking the livability of top cities, making this town an excellent place to live.

I’ve Been Around But…

Image

A Reflection of a Reflection by Raun

Life is Hard. Period.

I don’t really read a lot of spiritual books, but this one caught my eye as it was more about encouragement and inspiration than proselytizing.

And since I’ve been trying to piece my life one by one this past year, I thought I could use some encouragement from deep within.

As the title says this is a collection of prayers that comes from the heart of a teenage boy—who doesn’t seem to be different than other teenagers. He still has the same hopes, dreams, and fears that anyone of any age has.

Thus, I’ve been getting up in the morning and reading a prayer as I silently meditate and think about what lies ahead and how I’m going to accomplish a set of goals for the day. I feel the prose and words and realize that I’m not only one who has an imperfect life, but how I deal with those imperfections and flaws will strengthen my character.

Having those few moments to yourself before beginning your day– are fundamental in getting things back on track and relieving the stress I feel in going through another 24 hours, without him or with another obstacle in my way.

Strength and Power comes from within, and Michael Beas’s book will help you find a little of it each day.

Here is the link to Michael Beas’s book

Do you have a book or song that you want to share that helps you get through hard times?

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Guest Post: 5 Reasons Your Relationship With Your Ex Was Not As Great As You Think

breaking up, getting back together, ex, interracial dating, relationships, Jon and Sabine dating, The Reporter and The Girl, moving on, hard letting go

By Kevin

Do you ever regret breaking up with your ex? Do you think the relationship with your ex was amazing and you messed it up?

If so, you are probably not thinking things thoroughly. Here is a list of reasons why your relationship with your ex-boyfriend or girlfriend was not as great as you think.

1. Emotions

Break-ups can really mess up your mind. You are feeling emotions left and right and it seems the easy way to stop feeling these emotions is to get back with your ex. You start trying to convince yourself that your relationship was pretty good and getting back together will be a good idea. But in reality, you are just trying to avoid the break-up pain and the grieving by going back to a relationship that gave you this pain in the first place. Studies have shown that breakup pain is very real, and your mind will try to avoid this pain at any cost; even if it means getting back into a bad relationship.

2. You Are Just Lonely

After a long day at work, you come home, you eat your dinner alone and you go to bed alone. While lying down in bed, you start remembering your ex. You start remembering the things you loved about your ex. How they cooked chili for you and watched those movies with you. How they cuddled you in bed and whispered good night in your ear. How they kissed you every morning before you went to work. And all this suddenly makes you feel that your relationship with your ex was pretty good. Actually, the thing that you really miss is a relationship, not your ex. And it’s completely OK to want a relationship, as long as you don’t return to a bad one.

3. Investment

You know how some people stay in a bad relationship just because they’ve already invested a lot of time in it? It’s hard to give up on something you’ve already put so much time and effort in. If your relationship with your ex lasted for a long time, you’ve probably made a lot of sacrifices, put in a lot of effort and gone through a lot together. After a break-up, it seems easier to continue that relationship instead of doing everything again. You try to convince yourself that because you’ve invested so much in the relationship, it must be worth holding on to. But in reality, it’s nothing like that. If you think about it, the relationship didn’t work even after you made so much investment. And that just means your relationship was broken.

4.Beliefs

After a failed relationship, your faith in the opposite sex and relationships in general tends to shake a bit. You start feeling like there is no one better than your ex out there. You start ignoring all the bad things about your ex and start concentrating on the good things. You try to convince yourself that he or she is more suitable to you than the rest of the world. This happens usually after a bad date: you meet someone who is completely out of whack, and you can’t help thinking about how great your relationship was with your ex-partner. But in reality, you are just convincing yourself to settle for someone who is less than what you deserve. There are tons of people out there who are much more suitable for you than your ex; you just haven’t met them yet. And when you do, you will realize that she or he was not the only one for you.

5. You Broke Up

You started a relationship with him or her. You loved, laughed, had great time together, fought, worked on your relationship, and tried to solve your problems. All these things are normal in any good relationship. But in the end, for whatever reasons, you broke up. That alone should be enough to realize that your relationship was broken; because if there wasn’t something majorly wrong with your relationship, you wouldn’t have broken up. If you think that you broke up because of a reason that is not a big deal, then you are kidding yourself. If you could’ve fixed it, you wouldn’t have broken up.

Kevin writes about breakups and getting your ex back at unbreakup.org. Thinking about getting back together with your ex? Make sure you read this first.

Follow Kevin more articles on break ups and moving on at:

http://www.facebook.com/kevin.breakups

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https://twitter.com/thompkevin123 (@thompkevin123)

Ppssst! Should You Dump His Ass?

Ppssst! Should You Dump His Ass?

He sits on his ass. He plays a mediocre video game for two hours straight. He picks his ear. He smokes from his bong. Then he turns on Netflix.

Meanwhile, you’ve been sitting next to him on the couch this whole time – having a threesome with Beyoncé and Paris Hilton.

Click on the link and read the rest of column featured on DatingAdvice.com

Also, don’t forget to check out their reviews section for the top online dating sites for 2013 here

Show some love for me on their site!

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