Tag Archives: break up

fresh start, moving on, letting go, the reporter and the girl, s.c rhyne, interracial relationships blog, arrow pointing

Top 4 American Cities for Starting Over

Life is a journey, and for many of us our journey takes us to new and vibrant places for a handful of reasons across the span of our lifetime such as landing a dream job, starting a family, or moving on to the next chapter in life. For those who are looking for a fresh place to hang their hats, the following four American cities are wonderful places to start over.

Anchorage, Alaska

From its awe-inspiring scenic beauty and relatively low unemployment rate to its strong local economy, Anchorage is a top city to live and work. For people looking to elevate their careers, consider that over a quarter of the companies in Anchorage are planning on hiring new workers, with job prospects in the financial, construction, education, leisure and health service industries being especially strong, according to MSN. Job seekers who are looking for a new career and a promising job market are sure to do well with a move way up north. Forget the all-work no-play mentality—Anchorage is a great for location for outdoor enthusiasts to play—hiking, biking, kayaking, skiing, and other outdoor adventures wait outside of your door each day if you move to this city.

I lived in Anchorage for a short period and have thought about going back to get away from things.

Johnson City, Tennessee

For people who have had enough of sky-high rents and astronomical grocery bills, The Volunteer State offers a very low cost of living. Tennessee has no income tax and is second to only Oklahoma for its budget-friendly living expenses, according to Business Insider. Known as Tennessee’s Green City, Johnson City has earned top honors, receiving the state’s first Green City Leadership award for its environmental efforts. Eco-conscious folks who relocate to Tennessee will find that the rent or mortgage on their new home is so reasonable, they will have plenty of wiggle room in the budget for home improvement projects, such as adding green features like energy efficient windows, new roofing, and custom doors to their new abode.

Phoenix, Arizona

Although the capital of Arizona was hit especially hard during the recent recession, the city is bouncing back to be better than ever. Many homes are now available at extremely reasonable prices and people ages 20-29 are flocking to this city. Phoenix is also home to a number of major corporations, including Intel, PetSmart, Motorola, and top employers include Bank of America and Wal-Mart. Granted, Phoenix gets pretty toasty in the summer with temperatures that easily top 110 degrees on some days, but as former Northeasterners who now call Phoenix home like to say, “You don’t have to shovel sunshine.” The weather is gorgeous for the majority of the year, the employment outlook is positive, and there’s a plethora of fantastic restaurants and a rich culture—all of these things help make Phoenix a great place for young people to reinvent themselves.

Bethesda, Maryland

Moms and dads who hold education in high regard and wouldn’t mind switching careers should consider Bethesda, Maryland. The area has an exceptionally low unemployment rate of around 5 percent, which is over 2 points lower than the national average, according to Forbes. In addition, the housing market is very strong, and the state is listed as number one in the entire country for its school systems. Boasting a great quality of life, Bethesda often appears on on lists ranking the livability of top cities, making this town an excellent place to live.

I’ve Been Around But…

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A Reflection of a Reflection by Raun

Life is Hard. Period.

I don’t really read a lot of spiritual books, but this one caught my eye as it was more about encouragement and inspiration than proselytizing.

And since I’ve been trying to piece my life one by one this past year, I thought I could use some encouragement from deep within.

As the title says this is a collection of prayers that comes from the heart of a teenage boy—who doesn’t seem to be different than other teenagers. He still has the same hopes, dreams, and fears that anyone of any age has.

Thus, I’ve been getting up in the morning and reading a prayer as I silently meditate and think about what lies ahead and how I’m going to accomplish a set of goals for the day. I feel the prose and words and realize that I’m not only one who has an imperfect life, but how I deal with those imperfections and flaws will strengthen my character.

Having those few moments to yourself before beginning your day– are fundamental in getting things back on track and relieving the stress I feel in going through another 24 hours, without him or with another obstacle in my way.

Strength and Power comes from within, and Michael Beas’s book will help you find a little of it each day.

Here is the link to Michael Beas’s book

Do you have a book or song that you want to share that helps you get through hard times?

Tweet It To Me @ReporterandGirl

Or Post A Comment At TheReporterandTheGirl

 

breaking up, getting back together, ex, interracial dating, relationships, Jon and Sabine dating, The Reporter and The Girl, moving on, hard letting go

Guest Post: 5 Reasons Your Relationship With Your Ex Was Not As Great As You Think

By Kevin

Do you ever regret breaking up with your ex? Do you think the relationship with your ex was amazing and you messed it up?

If so, you are probably not thinking things thoroughly. Here is a list of reasons why your relationship with your ex-boyfriend or girlfriend was not as great as you think.

1. Emotions

Break-ups can really mess up your mind. You are feeling emotions left and right and it seems the easy way to stop feeling these emotions is to get back with your ex. You start trying to convince yourself that your relationship was pretty good and getting back together will be a good idea. But in reality, you are just trying to avoid the break-up pain and the grieving by going back to a relationship that gave you this pain in the first place. Studies have shown that breakup pain is very real, and your mind will try to avoid this pain at any cost; even if it means getting back into a bad relationship.

2. You Are Just Lonely

After a long day at work, you come home, you eat your dinner alone and you go to bed alone. While lying down in bed, you start remembering your ex. You start remembering the things you loved about your ex. How they cooked chili for you and watched those movies with you. How they cuddled you in bed and whispered good night in your ear. How they kissed you every morning before you went to work. And all this suddenly makes you feel that your relationship with your ex was pretty good. Actually, the thing that you really miss is a relationship, not your ex. And it’s completely OK to want a relationship, as long as you don’t return to a bad one.

3. Investment

You know how some people stay in a bad relationship just because they’ve already invested a lot of time in it? It’s hard to give up on something you’ve already put so much time and effort in. If your relationship with your ex lasted for a long time, you’ve probably made a lot of sacrifices, put in a lot of effort and gone through a lot together. After a break-up, it seems easier to continue that relationship instead of doing everything again. You try to convince yourself that because you’ve invested so much in the relationship, it must be worth holding on to. But in reality, it’s nothing like that. If you think about it, the relationship didn’t work even after you made so much investment. And that just means your relationship was broken.

4.Beliefs

After a failed relationship, your faith in the opposite sex and relationships in general tends to shake a bit. You start feeling like there is no one better than your ex out there. You start ignoring all the bad things about your ex and start concentrating on the good things. You try to convince yourself that he or she is more suitable to you than the rest of the world. This happens usually after a bad date: you meet someone who is completely out of whack, and you can’t help thinking about how great your relationship was with your ex-partner. But in reality, you are just convincing yourself to settle for someone who is less than what you deserve. There are tons of people out there who are much more suitable for you than your ex; you just haven’t met them yet. And when you do, you will realize that she or he was not the only one for you.

5. You Broke Up

You started a relationship with him or her. You loved, laughed, had great time together, fought, worked on your relationship, and tried to solve your problems. All these things are normal in any good relationship. But in the end, for whatever reasons, you broke up. That alone should be enough to realize that your relationship was broken; because if there wasn’t something majorly wrong with your relationship, you wouldn’t have broken up. If you think that you broke up because of a reason that is not a big deal, then you are kidding yourself. If you could’ve fixed it, you wouldn’t have broken up.

Kevin writes about breakups and getting your ex back at unbreakup.org. Thinking about getting back together with your ex? Make sure you read this first.

Follow Kevin more articles on break ups and moving on at:

http://www.facebook.com/kevin.breakups

Tweet him at
https://twitter.com/thompkevin123 (@thompkevin123)

Link

Ppssst! Should You Dump His Ass?

He sits on his ass. He plays a mediocre video game for two hours straight. He picks his ear. He smokes from his bong. Then he turns on Netflix.

Meanwhile, you’ve been sitting next to him on the couch this whole time – having a threesome with Beyoncé and Paris Hilton.

Click on the link and read the rest of column featured on DatingAdvice.com

Also, don’t forget to check out their reviews section for the top online dating sites for 2013 here

Show some love for me on their site!

© 2012 -2013 S. C Rhyne

DatingAdvice.com, The Reporter and The Girl, Interracial dating, fiction based on a true story, dating advice, guest blogger, advice columnist

Mid Week Update!

So this week has been head-turning to say the least. And that’s all I’ll say on that.

What I will say more on is: my guest contribution for DatingAdvice.com will appear on their website this Friday!

**Cheers**

And I wanted to show a preview of the article and list a neat feature about the website: it’s their reviews section

If you click on that link, you’ll see the top 10 online dating sites for 2013. And as you know from my history; I’m no stranger to online dating, meeting, or shopping. So if you are and want to know what a website is all about, checking out the reviews is good way to start.

And as I mentioned last week, the site is about dating in all its forms from casual to deep connections, straight, gay, Black, White, Interracial, Senior, Jewish, or Adult Friends.

Enjoy my excerpt:

And you sure as hell don’t look like The Giving Tree, because a relationship is supposed to be mutually beneficial. No, not just in the bedroom! Just because he goes down on you and gives you two licks to the center of the toostsie –rolling your eyes to the back of your head. Doesn’t mean you’re getting that deep, intimate, loving partner who is thinking of you and enjoys sharing quality bonding time……

Dump your man like a bad welfare case!

Rest will launch on Friday 6/14/2013 at http://DatingAdvice.com

Tweet if you love cupcakes! http://twitter.com/ReporterandGirl

Thumbs up if you’re for kittens http://facebook.com/TheReporterandTheGirl

 

Jon and Sabine, interracial dating, interracial blog, cartoon, interracial cartoon, the reporter and the girl, face to face, love, break up

Face to Face

Hopefully, everyone has made it home safe tonight and is not out drowning from Tropical Storm Andrea. Here in the city, we received a flash flood warning and it was my cue to leave work.

The past week has been pretty focused for me; I’m starting to volunteer doing different things and finishing the manuscript for the novel. I scribbled down the last chapter today, and I spent the last two weeks just hand-writing on the trains. This weekend, I will put everything into one document and then begin the dreaded stage of every writer’s life…COPYEDIT!

Thus, I am looking for a Book Doctor or an Editor, and if anyone is interested, please get in touch with me at ReporterandTheGirl@gmail.com

Finishing TheReporterandTheGirl novel, is exciting and therapeutic for me as the memories of Jon and I are still fresh, and recounting the feelings and conversations from not so long ago does stir something inside of me.

This morning I impatiently waited for the bus to take me to work in the drizzle; I know because of the weather, transportation would be a little slow….but anyway, amongst the growing crowd of people in the Brooklyn streets, I saw his back under an umbrella holding the back of someone else closely as they walked North.

I say “him” even though I didn’t see his face; but his build, hair cut and color, even the shoes looked like Jon. Practically speaking, I know it’s NOT Jon because first off, this was early–like quarter to 9am, and Jon wouldn’t know “early” even if it smacked him in the head. He’s been blessed to be able to get ready in the mornings in less than 20 minutes and has a half-hour commute to/fro work. Work that starts at 10am, if he has to go straight to the office.

But I needed to see it. Even though it may not have been “it”. I’m not psychic, but I have been feeling some kind of way about life post-Jon. As you may remember April Fools Day was the last time we spoke. And around that time I had a dream about him.

The dream alternated between his apartment in New York City and his home out-of-state. I’m in his kitchen preparing lunch for him, and his friends and family are all around…just kind of milling about — like its some kind of gathering.

At one point, his friend comes up to me and asks me what I’m doing. I reply that Jon is out and when he comes back he may be hungry. He then says that I don’t have to do that, because he’s girlfriend will take care of it. There’s more to the dream, but the highlighting factor is that I never seem to come face to face with Jon.

I see him outside in the yard (when it switches to his home) or him walking out of the room…but nothing direct. A friend told me that’s significant because it symbolized that he was never there for me. And the remarks that his friend makes also symbolizes that there was no room for me in his life. Or least that I knew that.

But the thing that has been bugging me for the last two months is: has he found someone that he made room for in his life?

Again I’m not psychic, but I feel that’s true. I’ve been feeling that way for awhile and today I needed to “see it.” My feelings about it are weird…I don’t feel too sad, just defeated. Like I’m tired of fighting the whole thing. Just giving up…maybe accepting that the battle is over.

But at the same time when we got the flood warning, I felt a twinge of worry for him as he lives in a basement apartment and it could flood if it does rain hard tonight.

But again (sigh), I care for someone who wouldn’t once think about giving me a call for my Birthday. Hhhhmm….makes you wonder if karma exists.

On a brighter note, I have a guest posting coming out next week at DatingAdvice.com! Now, I’m far from a dating expert and I actually wrote this article like two months ago, when I was more feisty; but I hope you guys will enjoy it and show some love on their website.

DatingAdvice.com, The Reporter and The Girl, Interracial dating, fiction based on a true story,  dating advice, guest blogger, advice columnist

DatingAdvice.com

Now one thing that I love about their site is that it is truly a dating site across the spectrum! They have diverse columnists dealing with traditional, same sex, and alternative relationships. So I’ll be posting the link up once the article goes live!

Thank You for your continued support of my blog and enjoy this wet (and wild?) weekend. The video for chapter 6 will also go live this weekend.

S.C Rhyne (TheGirl)

Follow me @ReporterandGirl
Like Me http://facebook.com/TheReporterandTheGirl

© 2012 -2013 S. C Rhyne

alameleadership.com, reporter and the girl, anomie, emile durkheim, inner strength, inspirational quotes, mahatma gandhi, interracial couples, break up, moving on, depression

Anomie

So this week has been interesting to say the least.

Since last week (week of the 13th) forecasters predicted cloudy skies for the work week and a bright weekend. I was particularly following this because the weekend of May 18th, I had an outdoor event with my job and was hoping for nice weather. But instead it was cloudy grey and it rained off and on. It didn’t cancel the event, but made it that less enjoyable.

Call it my so-so luck.

Definitely wasn’t a lucky day, or the event would have gone better, but at least it wasn’t a disaster either. But the so-so luck continued through the week, with the mediocre weather progressively getting worse and a busy week at work; which left me with no time in the afternoon to go to the gym or write or really check my personal emails. Friday was suppose to be my redemption day where I can catch up on all paperwork at work and all personal stuff in the afternoon. And it wasn’t at all!

Talk about doing a job you love but being stunted by people who want you fail, even if it means taking everything down with them.

But Saturday was a bit uplifting; I went to a banquet to support a friend for a well deserve recognition and her acceptance speech was hilarious and completely awesome. A mover and a shaker she is, I say. This event was honoring people for their work in social services with incarcerated people. One of the honorees is head of the department of social work at Lehman College. He was a little emotional as he talked about how he came to working with inmates and building people’s self-esteem so they can become contributing members of society again.

And then he said this word: Anomie.

According to Emile Durkheim the “Father of Modern Sociology”; anomie is a state of normlessness. Every society has a set of rules or norms which regulates behavior and relationships. But sometimes, due to a change in the environment (economic crisis, natural disaster..you name it) the rules get lost, and the social bonds that hold an individual or subculture group to the mainstream gets cut. Sometimes when an individual loses that connection and it can lead to deviant behavior. This explanation was used in his work to define suicide.

On the inside, inmates are surrounded by thousands of people, but yet they are socially isolated. Cut off from their families, loved ones, and society at large. Though I am not here to argue whether that’s right or wrong, just establishing that this is true. And even though YOU may never have been incarcerated, I’m sure you have gone through this period where life feels empty or you lost the passion for something. The issue may not be with YOU, but something in your environment changed drastically– throwing the rules down the drain and leaving you without a clear sense of who you are and your purpose.

We tend to associate this kind of depression as something psychologically wrong with the individual, rather than taking a look at what has happened in their environment to cut them off. But this can be conquered; as the director continued he talked about the expression of love he received from his clients. I’m sure you can hardly imagine the stereotypical “harden-felonius criminal” hugging a grey-haired White guy and saying “I love you, man.” Sometimes in a state of anomie, when we feel that we’ve lost…ourselves, we’ll cling to the slightest hint of love that we sense. And yes, I’m sure he cared, loved, and mentored his clients and he helped so many people over the last decade. And that’s why he was able to help those that were lost to find themselves and their purpose.

Sitting in the audience, I was connecting what the social worker standing on the pulpit was saying about love, to a book I read right after Jon and I broke up the first time. You can call it an anomie or a depression depending whether you believe its external or internal; but I was in a deep hole where I didn’t remember who I was before I met him, and how I could get things done without him.

I don’t know if I snapped in or out of it, but I realized that maybe my work is meaningless and my life is pointless since I no longer had someone that I could relate too. And when you lose something that special, whether its by natural disaster or egoism; everything else doesn’t matter anymore. But anyway, the book talked about love and singlehood — and the fact is; many people will search and search for “the one” to love them unconditionally without realizing that the unconditional love has been present in their life from the time of birth from friends and families. You were ALWAYS loved, but you just didn’t realize it, because you were busy looking for your “other half” to love you.

But the thing is, if you’re not willing to love back and can only offer half of you to a person and not a whole you; then you’re not gonna get very far in your search. Stop looking for your “other half” and grow whole from within. I was reminded by the end of his speech that there will always be challenges in our environment that will threaten to break the social bonds between individuals; but expressing love and joy in the things we do can grow new bonds from within and develop new identities. New purpose.

And for many of those inmates discovering a brotherly love saved them from the anomie which they suffered; then it can save me too.

P.S

I received a tweet yesterday, about when am I FINALLY going to publish Chapter 20 from @Wheesh and I can say I have finished Chapter 24 last week, and have a few more left. I’m now looking for someone to copyedit the manuscript. I made two connections, so soon I will make an agreement with who to send the manuscript to for the editing stage…

Until next weekend.

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Note on the featured image: You can find more inspirational quotes like these from alameleadership.com

© 2012 -2013 S. C Rhyne