Living Better, Single

deep conversation, brilliant mind, beautiful soul, relationship meme, S.C. Rhyne, The Reporter and The Girl

The important word here is, “living”. We sometimes forget that despite the obstacles and hardships we face, life still goes on.  We cannot get stuck.

I have been “stuck” these last two weeks, but slowly my feet are trudging through the thick mud so I can live. I heard back from one school, and the professor will not take on my research proposal, so I won’t apply. I still have to hear from one more…so time will tell.

I started getting momentum towards the end of the week when I scouted out another school and emailed a couple of professors. One replied on Friday asking for my draft proposal, so I’m back on the ball! As long as I keep applying…I’ll keep moving in the right direction.

As I try to get other pieces moving in the right direction, this weekend, I thought about what it means to be single. I spent both Friday and Saturday night at home and the days were unremarkable, as there weren’t any events by me, and no one to hang out with. Not a bad thing, as I had a pretty wild one last weekend that resulted in getting an extra hole…somewhere.

Per discussion with a friend, I asked why some people are constantly in relationships,and how they manage to sometimes go from one to another with seemingly short periods of singleness.

“I like being in relationships and having someone to connect with”.

“I like being with someone and not alone”:

“I get lonely and its great having someone to talk or be with”.

“I hate being single”.

By the way, all of these statements were said by men. Surprise right? Despite the stony macho wall that most guys put up, these guys were “relationship oriented”. You’ll also notice that the statements are about connecting on an emotional level and not just about sex. And I also have some old male friends that recently (as of Sunday) put a ring on their relationships.

All these reasons (except for the last one), are great things to have in a relationship: connection, companionship, and communication. Those guys are lucky to find that in every relationship they dived into, however I wonder what happened to the last “C” (commitment), if they move from one to another seamlessly.

It also makes me ponder why I don’t feel like I need these, as strongly as my friends do.

I was born alone, and statistics show that I will also die alone, and young too. Unless you’re a twin or otherwise, we are all born alone, and very few couples actually die together (unless something horrible happened). So I always enjoyed my own company, even when I’m out, I’m still usually in my head.

Chey B, calls this “single by design“. Before anyone is in a relationship, you are single first.The way you define yourself now, is how your partner will see you when you pair up. How you take care of YOU – inside and out, will show when you are partnered up and may determined how successful you are in a relationship.

In other words, if you are lonely or do not enjoy your own company, chances are that other people will not enjoy your company too. If you do not enjoy hanging out with you, then why would someone else enjoy being with you?

I also feel the need to put a disclaimer here: There is a difference between lonely and being alone. Many people can be alone (physically) but not feel lonely (emotional). If someone is feeling lonely, this is internal and not something a “relationship” will solve.

Being single is the opportunity to design yourself and grow to your fullest potential. Of course, when you’re ready you can share the fruits of your labor with someone worthy.


Again, you worked hard on growth and development, you will want to share it with someone that will appreciate it. Many of the statements listed above reveal persons who may not be fully developed and ready for a relationship. Hence, they may make bad partners, and we have all had bad partners. So make sure you pair up with the right person at the right time. You don’t want to jump in only to be tossed back out by being single by default.

So tell me 3  traits in each of the following categories:

  •  3 things that you are good at, or that make you awesome
  • 3 things that you want to accomplish or do
  • 3 things that you want to improve or get better at

Three things that make me awesome:

I can leg press up to 360 pounds, I’m very organized, and I can tie a cherry stem into a knot with my tongue.

Three things that I want do:

Go back to school! Travel to Africa and the Middle East, learn another language and target shooting.

Three things I need to improve:

The languages I had already learned (I’m forgetting Italian, Mandarin, and French since I don’t use those often), stop biting my nails, be better at communication, especially my feelings.

So let me know on Facebook, Twitter, G+, or post it on my board!

Turned Down

turned down, reected, relationships, turned down by a guy, S.C. Rhyne

Well, I just lost my mind.

Its very difficult for a girl to ask a guy out. We’re either “too bold” and may intimidate a man, or we need to be “more forward” and tell a guy we’re interested.

For the last two weeks, these have been the conflicting advice that I’ve been given from friends and associates. For a guy its simple, if you’re interested — ask her out. For us, its some weird balance between being silently bold and forward, but yet never approaching and sitting at the seat waiting for someone else to initiate.

Well, I have struck out and been turned down. After what happened last year, my primal urges have returned with a vengeance…despite taking up extra hobbies like: applying for school, working multiple jobs, and upping my gym routine, I had trouble quieting this instinct.

Its time to hunt. And then feed.

Now, while I never go praying-mantis on a guy, I am this close to clubbing one over the head and dragging down a dark alley.

Long story – short, I walked away with someone’s email address.

staring at computer, gawking at computer, waiting for an email., S.C Rhyne


Everyone tells me this is a good thing. I guess numbers these days are just too much to remember, especially when they are not in order.

I don’t know when or if I will start a cyber-journey with this dude, but here are some tips to asking a guy out based on my experience.


Really, don’t straight out and ask him, “Let’s go back to your place,” or “What’s your number?” or any variation of this question. If you want to initiate contact, great! But do it with friendly conversation on some mutual topic, like the sports game that is playing at the bar.  You two should fall into such great conversation that he will be dying to ask when he can see you again…hopefully. If not, then there was nothing there. Even the shyest guy will find a way to contact you again.

Stay Classy!

Ladies, how many times have you turned down a guy? I bet you did at least twice this weekend! Whether he was obviously asking you out, or was sending subtle glances and smiles your way while on the train. Well, you better be able to handle rejection like a classy lady in public and pour it all out like a bitch with a blog in private. If a guy says no, or is rude and ignores you — move on. Move on to another seat, another drink, or even a different bar if you have to. Now, if its someone you know or that’s in your circle (co-worker or colleague..etc) definitely keep things cordial so it doesn’t affect your day-to-day life.

Now if he said, “Yes” but fucked you over, then tear him down.

No one can please you….like YOU!

So, did you spend half the night going from bar to bar, only to come home alone? Well I found a solution to that. Get a pet! Having a dog or cat can make great companionship and bring a different level of affection and loyalty.

As well as a  Jack Rabbit will help fulfill your carnal needs.

So what tips do you have for asking out a guy? And guys, do you like being approached, and if so, how?

Let me know at @ReporterandGirl or find me on Facebook, G+, and Pinterest.

Life is Not So Funny (Part. 2)

dear life, life's not fair, someecards, s.c rhyne

In the last week I have had some very disappointing news. My application for my number 1 choice for graduate school was rejected. I’m still putting things together for numero dos, but I’m feeling half-hearten about it. Thus, I went on a mini online shopping spree, because that’s what girls do when they are depressed: buy a new pair of shoes and a couple of dresses. However, I did this preemptively of my paycheck. Today I got paid and my mood is completely in the dumps.

My pay check was low….like criminally low, but I’ve been working about 25 hours a week, for this and last week. So of course, I inquire, and the pay period only includes one of my weeks. OK, I get that, but the math is still only half of what I would expect for half a paycheck. In order words, I got a less than a quarter of what I thought I had earned.

Who knew the first paycheck would be like the first time having sex, its always the worst!

Never what you expected.

Doesn’t last as long as you thought it would.

And it really hurts.

So instead of hitting the bar tonight, I will be buying a 6-pack, a sandwich from the deli, and hitting up my local park bench instead.

Hey, a girl’s still gotta get out, right?

Speaking of getting out, I have not been getting out. In fact, (this is so lame) I didn’t even realize until a few days in, that NYC was in a heat wave. Yep, I do get up early in the mornings to go to the gym, but I’m back by noon and indoors.

So much for my New Years resolution to have more fun and adventure. But I’m not sulking too much about it, because I created this chronic issue. I want to have time for leisure, but when its comes time to go out on a Friday or Saturday night, I make excuses. Maybe my imagination from reading my kindle at late nights is more exciting than going for drinks!

I have been better at it though, especially in the summer when there are more stuff going on, particularly events that don’t cost an arm and a leg.

Besides the major curve balls this week, I have been reading a lot on WordPress about single girls! Apparently these girls are having a hard time dealing with the crap people give them because they are single. Honestly,  these women are between the ages of 19 and 23, #WTF!

Now, I know in NYC and other major cities, one can be single until the early forties today and that is nothing to bat an eye about. But in other places, especially in the South and Mid-West, or those who live in smaller towns, getting hitched in your early twenties is the norm, or at least to be in a long term committed relationship.

So, for our sexist patriarchal society, I’d like to re-iterate the following:

1) There is nothing wrong with being single. If you see a problem with an independent woman working and moving about in society all on her own, then the problem is with you, not her.

2) Times are changing, period. Blame it on the internet, loose social mores… whatever! Younger folks (like under 25) are meeting and communicating more on the internet than ever before (more than half of dates are started online! Not the coffee shop, grocery store, or class), divorce rates are higher and more socially acceptable, and people are waiting longer to have children. The economy, especially in places like NYC,  have sky-high living costs that make it harder to date.

Let’s elaborate on #2 more. NYC and other big cities are over saturated with college-educated talent. So its very difficult for even the most talented person to find and keep a decent paying job. In fact, it wasn’t until I stopped working last month and started reconnecting with old colleagues and friends, that I realized how many near 30-somethings are still working in restaurants, security, or sales just to pay the bills, and not what they went to school for. Thus, who can afford to take Ms. Somebody to dinner Friday night? (especially if they only received 1/4 of a paycheck!) So a lot of guys, who aren’t financially secure–will “hang out” — not date, not court, but hang out. Because hanging out is cheaper with lower expectations.

This is the economics of dating. I bet you thought men were just being jerks!

When it comes to technology, people are dating strangers (folks from online). Many couples have a hard time transitioning from “online” to “offline”. Meaning they will still email each other, “hey what are you doing tonight?” instead of picking up the phone. Hence, losing some of these social or face-to-face skills. Honestly, online dating has made it easier for awkward people (who probably shouldn’t be dating) to date and made things more awkward for everyone else.

Westerners are also an educated bunch. The higher up in education one goes, the longer this person will wait to have children. Makes sense, right? Not a lot of pregnant college and graduate students running around. The textbooks take up all your time on the weekends!  And this person will enter the workforce later and may not meet the future Mr/Mrs so-and-so until later in life.

Thus, singlehood, especially being single longer, is the new norm. Now, as an aspiring political economist, I’d say fix the economic side of the problem. If young people get good jobs when they graduate, the relationship aspects of their dreams may come to fruition sooner. But really, this is how our society is shaping and dinner for one is the new thing!

I don’t hear a lot of guys getting hassled for being single, so I would really like to hear their thoughts on the matter. Ladies, can chime in too!

As always, you reach me on Facebook or tweet me your thoughts!

S.C Rhyne

Sigh….Men Problems


For those of you that have been following me for the last two years and change; ya’ll know that I have been living single with no plans in the near future to change that.

I have not actively dated nor seek men to date; my roaring twenties are starting to die down, yet I do not feel any need to settle down or find someone. I like being alone.

Not too long ago, I had a brief winter chase from a man at work who was pursuing me, but he had too many problems and I believe I effectively nipped that one before it got too far.

That’s fine, just leave me the hell alone.

leave me alone, alone, sketch, S.C Rhyne

Two months ago, I just so happened to answer the phone to a man who works in the real estate industry. He needed help with the bureaucratic red tape he was getting from a city agency about the numerous permits he requested for a little league he manages.

It was nice to talk on the phone for 45 minutes with him, because frankly there was work to be done and it was a nice distraction. He called nearly everyday since that, but I thought it was because he was anxious about hearing whether the permits went through or not.

And of course, like a good government employee I ignored some of those calls until I got an answer from the agency and was able to give him some good news. His permits are fine, everything is fine.

He was elated and 45 minutes later we hung up. Now at this time (February) I was planning an event for the community and he came to show support, which was really nice. I did know somethings about him, like his long career in politics and he is now the “community face” for this company and heck, a good person to know, right?

I mean when you’re young and trying to network and make moves, its good to know people in senior executive places. However, what I didn’t realize was that this guy was trying to make moves of his own too!

A few times we talked after work hours, and the conversations were appropriate, — in fact if I remember correctly, the first night we talked he told me explicitly he was not interested in being more than friends, but he was surely a talker — 2 to 3 hours worth!

The vibe I got from him was that of someone who was really lonely and who wanted someone to vent to.

So my good cousin advised me on setting proper boundaries and assured me that no man would be on the phone for hours with a woman while only interested in talking.

We met in person once during my vacation in March for lunch, in which I told him I was interested in networking for professional reasons; he did push to spend more time with me, but I did not. Again, I’m not interested in monopolizing my time for someone.

A few weeks ago, when we had a couple warm days here and there, he invited me out to his boat; he had talked extensively about his hobby, but I have only known this guy, at best, two months. Plus, I don’t want be alone on his boat all day with him. He said he wanted to spend more time with me and I feel like we had gotten to known each other well enough.

So here are some issues:

He’s 54 years old, and I’m still in my roaring twenties.  There’s not really a conflict of issue as he does not do any business with my agency; but I’m not attracted to him at all, I think he’s a great mentor but that’s as far as it would go.

Last week he called two days in a row, well after 10p.m! Not even my mother would call me at that hour unless something was wrong. And judging by his tone of voice on the answering machine there wasn’t a fuck wrong, and I sure as hell wasn’t in the mood to talk aimlessly into the wee hours of the morning.

Alas, we are in different stages of life. He is a senior exec with liberties to work from home, come into the office at 11 a.m without owing anyone an explanation and can drive home to sit on his boat or pour himself a scotch. I’m not there yet, I don’t have all this luxurious time; I work overtime — below minimum wage with a 3 hour round-trip commute everyday, with enough money left over to pay this bill or that bill. So I’m in bed at 10 o’clock, not on the phone.

Sorry to vent, but it does look like he is getting the point. In one of our last conversations, he did mention that he knew nothing personal about me, because I always seem to talk about work. So he asked if I’m dating or had dated, and I told him the truth and tacked on that I’m not interested in dating anyone in the near future. Period.

I emailed him my resume and cover letter last week. He gladly confirmed that he received it, and would pass it along to a friend.

So has anyone ever been in this position and had to toe the line? I want to hear about it.

@ReporterandGirl or Facebook

Let The Good Times Roll!


And the bad ones….drop?

Wow, another crazy last few weeks for me, and I don’t even know where to begin…I guess the beginning.

I have been working for the city government for the past year in a small office of 3 employees which has slowly grown to 7. However that is not to say there hasn’t been turn-overs. We rely heavily on volunteers/interns and since I started, about 4 permanent staff have came and left; and in terms of time, I have the most seniority.

I apparently have a knack for sticking out tough situations (see Chapter 16. Frenemies) and workload juggling. Alas, it seemed like I may have had a budding romance; a gentleman, whom we will call Dave (in no way similar to his real, unique name) is also public servant but works in a different division, and since day one has been flirtatious.

According to my male coworkers, he was very flirty — I didn’t notice. And for the last few months, Dave has been taking great strides to be available for our small office…whether its calling in to check if an order arrived, or making a visit to try and fix technical problems we may have. I always thought he was a hardworking individual who paid attention to all offices like this….

Anyway, I got to know him and he seemed cool– he had mentioned he liked working out, and did I mention I like working out? So on one Sunday, a couple of weekends ago, he met me at my house at 11 a.m sharp and we drove in his SUV to the gym.

Problem #1 Off the bat, I noticed that it was taking us quite a while to drive down the main road before turning off to another main road. “Oh, you’re gonna keep going straight” I tell him. And he replies, “alright, I didn’t know where I was going.” This led to a whopping increase of 20 miles per hour (mph) to 25 (that is 33 kilometers per hour to 40). So, this is really fucking slow.

There’s no traffic. Its Sunday morning. And a drive that I can do in 25 minutes, has now taken almost 10 minutes just to get to the off ramp of the expressway that’s like a mile from my house.

So…..45 minutes later we get to the gym. And no…even when we had gotten to the off ramp of the expressway, where the speed limit is 40 and people are going 50– because they don’t want to be rammed from behind– he faithfully followed the speed limit of the residential zones.

Problem #2 No motivation. Guys, no girl likes a quitter. Now I know folks have different interests and hobbies etc…and one thing may motivate you more than something else. But when you’re out with a fellow or gal you like, you better put in some decent amount of effort to show an interest in their interests.

Now this ain’t no yoga class: its boot camp. This means jump roping for a minute straight, followed by 20 push-ups, followed by chair jumps, followed by 2 sets of jump squats, followed by sprints…etc you get the point. There are breaks during class, and anyone is more than welcome to sit out and take an extra break. Dave sat out and down after the first 20 minutes — for the rest of class.

At first he complained of dizziness and of course he should sit and I offered him water. I had introduced him around earlier, so other classmates went up to him from time to time and asked how he was doing and offered him anything; but he sat down for most of the remainder 40 minutes. At one point, he got up to do chair jumps, but that’s a waste. After starting exercise, once you sit down for that long and let your heart rate drop so low, it’s hard to do even one set.

Problem #3 He didn’t shower afterwards. Dude, I know you only worked out for 20 minutes, but you still poured sweat. You were told to bring a towel and a change of clothes and shower slippers.

Problem #4 THE SLOW FUCKING DRIVE ON THE WAY BACK! He admitted it was so he can spend more time talking to me. Well, had we gotten to gym earlier, we could have talked while we warmed up on the treadmill or did some partner stretching.

Partner Stretching:

From Exercise is Fun!
partner stretching
From Assume the Position!

Problem #5 He’s lonely. We did talk and I fed him some soup. But when he told me about himself…living alone, and spending most of his time online, on computer games, at work, and not having any real friends. I summed up that he’s trying to fill a void somewhere. I live alone, and spend alot of time at work, and on the computer too, with my lovely blog family. But I also try to make time to socialize (I hang out alot at the gym) and get drunk with friends after work and few weekends drink responsibly with friends after work and on a few weekends. I’m also looking to pursue other hobbies that will take me out there, but time and money are constraining me now.

Problem #6 RED FLAG! I did call him the day after and he complained of soreness, and asked for a nurse to come over (me). We talked here and there over the few weeks and ironically, on Friday, I called to see how he was doing. Turns out that he injured his foot and had been home on bed rest for the last couple days. He started out the conversation stating, “I need a nurse, will you be my nurse?” Now, honestly when he told me that he wasn’t feeling well, I thought it was a cold or something because his voice sounded off. Now in hindsight, I’m pretty sure he was drunk. After I had redirected the conversation to talk about other things like work and the hectic week, he came back to say, “so what time are you coming over?”

Me: “I didn’t say I was coming over tonight.”

Dave: “Oh you didn’t? I thought you said you were coming over tonight, I need a nurse, are you coming over?”

Me: “Dave, I think you need doctor, you seem like you need more help than a nurse can provide.”

Dave: ” No, I already took one of those Oxycontin pills for the swelling, but I need a nurse, what time will you come over? I need you to be my nurse.”

And after three minutes of asking for a wet nurse I finally (politely) hung up.

Problem #7 This guy has too many problems. Obviously, the last thing I need is one more.

So, no budding office romance for me. But I kept an open mind until I ran the other way after Friday night’s call. So, with everything that happened in the last two years I can say I learned something. Ladies, pay attention to those Red Flags!

The Book and Spa Gift Certificate #GiveAway is ending this Tuesday March 10th. So you have until Tuesday night EST at 11:59pm to follow and tweet me either phrase for a chance to win!


Six Fresh Alternatives to Boring First Dates

You’re not alone, 102 million people were unmarried in 2011, according to the United States Census. This group also made up 44.1 percent of all U.S. residents who were ages 18 and older. Further, the dating industry revenue topples $2 billion a year with an annual growth rate of 4.8 percent. Regardless of if you’re married, single or currently dating, everyone can benefit from some fresh ideas it comes to finding the perfect date. Here’s a list of fun ideas to put the romance back in your relationship or impress someone on your first date.

bride and groom, black woman white man holdinghands, the reporter and the gir,S.C Rhyne, black and white photo

Find a Brewery Tour

Get out of your usual rut of dinner and a movie and do something truly unique. A brewery tour can take you behind the scenes of your favorite brew and gives the opportunity to sample. Most breweries will also give a few beers for free or at a discounted price so you can keep the fun going. If you’re not sure what to talk about after the tour, brainstorm your own beer ideas until your date turns into a fun adventure on setting up your own brewery with a ridiculous name. I’ll sample a Date Draft whenever you’ve got the first batch ready for sale.

beer, beer tasting, brewery tour

Go on a Motorcycle Ride

Go on a motorcycle ride through the country, city or the open highway. There’s no destination better than wherever the road takes you. But to really get into the biker spirit, shop for motorcycle jackets and accessories together to ride on your adventure out. Then come up with your own biker names and take on the persona of a young couple out for trouble—or maybe just to clean up trouble.

Volunteer Together

Refuel your relationship’s chemistry with a volunteer date. Working together for a common cause from packing up supplies for a food pantry to taking care of animals can help form bonds in your relationship. Pick an activity lasting from a few hours to an entire day and talk about how volunteering impacts your life. You might get a fresh perspective on your date you wouldn’t have seen before.

Go Stargazing

Cuddle up under the stars for a romantic date night. If you’re in a private space like your backyard, bring along a bottle of wine and snacks for an evening picnic. Don’t forget to look at museums for stargazing events.

constellations, stars, auriga, reporter and the girl, star gazing

Be a Tourist

It’s easy to forget all the fun events and attractions in your own hometown or nearby city. Plan out a fun day of amusement parks, museums, festivals or the zoo for a staycation date. Look at your attractions’ calendar of events. Your zoo might host a jazz night, or the museum might offer a cocktail evening with a guest speaker. You’ll impress your date by your ingenuity and desire to find the very best in your own community.

Watch a Foreign Movie

Head to an international food store and stock up on cultured foods to match your foreign film of choice. Cook a meal together with your date and then cuddle up together for the main event. Opt for a flick without subtitles and try to guess what’s happening and improvise the dialogue. You’ll have a great time laughing at each other’s guesses and will still have time to chat without getting too distracted by the film.

movie date, popcorn, movie