The important word here is, “living”. We sometimes forget that despite the obstacles and hardships we face, life still goes on. We cannot get stuck.
I have been “stuck” these last two weeks, but slowly my feet are trudging through the thick mud so I can live. I heard back from one school, and the professor will not take on my research proposal, so I won’t apply. I still have to hear from one more…so time will tell.
I started getting momentum towards the end of the week when I scouted out another school and emailed a couple of professors. One replied on Friday asking for my draft proposal, so I’m back on the ball! As long as I keep applying…I’ll keep moving in the right direction.
As I try to get other pieces moving in the right direction, this weekend, I thought about what it means to be single. I spent both Friday and Saturday night at home and the days were unremarkable, as there weren’t any events by me, and no one to hang out with. Not a bad thing, as I had a pretty wild one last weekend that resulted in getting an extra hole…somewhere.
Per discussion with a friend, I asked why some people are constantly in relationships,and how they manage to sometimes go from one to another with seemingly short periods of singleness.
“I like being in relationships and having someone to connect with”.
“I like being with someone and not alone”:
“I get lonely and its great having someone to talk or be with”.
“I hate being single”.
By the way, all of these statements were said by men. Surprise right? Despite the stony macho wall that most guys put up, these guys were “relationship oriented”. You’ll also notice that the statements are about connecting on an emotional level and not just about sex. And I also have some old male friends that recently (as of Sunday) put a ring on their relationships.
All these reasons (except for the last one), are great things to have in a relationship: connection, companionship, and communication. Those guys are lucky to find that in every relationship they dived into, however I wonder what happened to the last “C” (commitment), if they move from one to another seamlessly.
It also makes me ponder why I don’t feel like I need these, as strongly as my friends do.
I was born alone, and statistics show that I will also die alone, and young too. Unless you’re a twin or otherwise, we are all born alone, and very few couples actually die together (unless something horrible happened). So I always enjoyed my own company, even when I’m out, I’m still usually in my head.
Chey B, calls this “single by design“. Before anyone is in a relationship, you are single first.The way you define yourself now, is how your partner will see you when you pair up. How you take care of YOU – inside and out, will show when you are partnered up and may determined how successful you are in a relationship.
In other words, if you are lonely or do not enjoy your own company, chances are that other people will not enjoy your company too. If you do not enjoy hanging out with you, then why would someone else enjoy being with you?
I also feel the need to put a disclaimer here: There is a difference between lonely and being alone. Many people can be alone (physically) but not feel lonely (emotional). If someone is feeling lonely, this is internal and not something a “relationship” will solve.
Being single is the opportunity to design yourself and grow to your fullest potential. Of course, when you’re ready you can share the fruits of your labor with someone worthy.
Again, you worked hard on growth and development, you will want to share it with someone that will appreciate it. Many of the statements listed above reveal persons who may not be fully developed and ready for a relationship. Hence, they may make bad partners, and we have all had bad partners. So make sure you pair up with the right person at the right time. You don’t want to jump in only to be tossed back out by being single by default.
So tell me 3 traits in each of the following categories:
- 3 things that you are good at, or that make you awesome
- 3 things that you want to accomplish or do
- 3 things that you want to improve or get better at
Three things that make me awesome:
I can leg press up to 360 pounds, I’m very organized, and I can tie a cherry stem into a knot with my tongue.
Three things that I want do:
Go back to school! Travel to Africa and the Middle East, learn another language and target shooting.
Three things I need to improve:
The languages I had already learned (I’m forgetting Italian, Mandarin, and French since I don’t use those often), stop biting my nails, be better at communication, especially my feelings.