Tag Archives: Relationships

A Proper Lady

I spent this weekend going through old crap and memories, until I found a book that I had not seen in years, it was an etiquette guide book, that was given to me when I went to a modeling school here in the city.

Now that I think about it, it was more of a finishing school.
finishing school, the reporter and the girl, S.C Rhyne, interracial blog, barbizon, modeling
The booked talked about etiquette over the phone, dinner parties, and other social interactions.

Thus, part of me began to wonder when did I stray from the path of becoming a proper young woman?

Somewhere in the last 15 years or so; I stopped playing piano and abandoned any aspirations of continuing a professional path with it, I started biting my nails and skin to the point of Dermatillomania, and this guy has a better posture than me:
hunchback, etiquette, the reporter and the girl, ScRhyne
The idea of course, of being a proper young lady, is that you are more desirable and attractive to the eligible bachelor.
loser, dating a loser, the reporter and the girl, interracial blogger, ScRhyne
No, not him. This guy:
eligible bachelor, dating, the reporter and the girl
A few years ago I liked this guy in my swim class, and I finally brought my best friend to…”check him out” and she gave her approval of him.

I remember at the end of class  after running a pretty good drill, I got on deck and gave him a “high 5″. Afterwards, my friend suggested that since I liked him, I should not have high-5′ed him as it was not lady-like.

Apparently, with D cups, shoulder-length hair, and hips to knock J-Lo of the deck, he’d associate me as “one of the guys”.

I did give him my number, and after that never saw him again.

Well, its never too late to improve yourself; from sitting up straighter to changing your wardrobe. But it was last night at a gala, when I realized why many women do not act like proper ladies, it’s because of… the men!

Duh-duh-duh

A colleague invited me to this formal event, where I was lead to my seat and he pulled it out for me. He offered to get my drink, and women and guests were served dinner first. Thus, it was a code of conduct that the men be gentlemen and serving to their lady partners.

I sure felt like a noble lady as even my table manners dramatically improved from:
poor table manners, bad etiquette, black woman eating, the reporter and the girl
to:
pride and prejudice, formal dining, table etiquette, relationships, the reporter and the girl
It sometimes takes a small show of courtesy or respect to boost one’s esteem and consciousness. And to receive the same treatment in kind.

And whom you are with makes a difference; people treat you based on how your friend/partner treats you.

Whether its holding your coat or pulling our your chair — a waiter will show you an ounce more of respect when they see your partner doing the same thing — it screams: “She’s important!”

And it changes how you see yourself, and the expectations you have for yourself.

For now, I’ll read through that book, maybe there are some things I need to re-learn, and should come to expect for myself.

So, does your beau treat you like a proper lady?

crazy ad, dating ads, desperate, dating in NYC

Guest Contribution: The Science of Dating

The Internet is a great place to find dating advice. Unfortunately, most of it comes from those who have simply dated a lot. If you are reading this and want to get to a second date, then you do not want to date often. You want to date well. You want to do it right and maybe meet that special someone. The best place to look for dating instruction is in a lab. Science has done more good for romance than any online feedback ever will.

The Science of Attraction

Mate selection is strongly ingrained in our genetics, coming from the caveman days and persisting today. The reasons for attraction are multidimensional with influences from perceived masculinity, intelligence and facial symmetry. A British study showed the men who self-focus on muscle size are more oppressive to women and that women know this at some level. The takeaway from this study is that having a chiseled body may get you a second look but might not get you the second date.

The Science of Women

It’s not you. It’s me. As painful as this sounds, it may be true. Human beings are dynamic in nature. We change constantly. This is especially true for emerging adult females—women in their early 20s. A study published in the Journal of Youth Adolescence found that there is a strong link between subjective well-being and attraction in women. A woman that is happy will be more attractive and she will find a happy male to be more attractive. Hiding your feelings is never a good relationship strategy but leading with emotion on your first date probably will not work for the normal female.

The Science of Romance

The most beautiful thing that a woman can say to a man is that she secretes oxytocin when she sees him. Oxytocin is a hormone produced in the brain by the pituitary gland that has been found to effect monogamy in mammals. It is strongly linked to dopamine, the happiness hormone. Oxytocin actually makes a woman perceive you as more attractive. From a neurochemical point of view, the reason that romance is so important is that it creates a cyclic cascade of positive neurochemicals. Make her laugh during the date, and don’t forget about flowers. It’s always a nice gesture to get her a bouquet. If you want to send them to her place of work as a surprise, delivery services like FTD are are trusted resources. Be a gentleman, and keep that oxytocin flowing.

The Science of Love

Yes, it is time to use the L-word. As scary as it may be, if you want the second date it means that you want the third and fourth and fifth. According to researcher Robert Sternberg, there are three dimensions of love; commitment is one along with intimacy and passion. That perfect date will have components of each of these. It means sharing enough to be intimate without oversharing, being physical enough without groping and opening up the possibility that this can be forever. Let the science of dating be the foundation for finding love. Make every date an attempt at discovering happiness.

I’ve Been Around But…

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A Reflection of a Reflection by Raun

Life is Hard. Period.

I don’t really read a lot of spiritual books, but this one caught my eye as it was more about encouragement and inspiration than proselytizing.

And since I’ve been trying to piece my life one by one this past year, I thought I could use some encouragement from deep within.

As the title says this is a collection of prayers that comes from the heart of a teenage boy—who doesn’t seem to be different than other teenagers. He still has the same hopes, dreams, and fears that anyone of any age has.

Thus, I’ve been getting up in the morning and reading a prayer as I silently meditate and think about what lies ahead and how I’m going to accomplish a set of goals for the day. I feel the prose and words and realize that I’m not only one who has an imperfect life, but how I deal with those imperfections and flaws will strengthen my character.

Having those few moments to yourself before beginning your day– are fundamental in getting things back on track and relieving the stress I feel in going through another 24 hours, without him or with another obstacle in my way.

Strength and Power comes from within, and Michael Beas’s book will help you find a little of it each day.

Here is the link to Michael Beas’s book

Do you have a book or song that you want to share that helps you get through hard times?

Tweet It To Me @ReporterandGirl

Or Post A Comment At TheReporterandTheGirl

 

Guest Contribution: How to Keep Money from Ruining Your Relationship

You love your man with all your heart, and you can talk about anything. So far, you’ve discussed where you’ll live after the wedding, when to start a family and how soon you can adopt a puppy. But have you talked about money? Kathleen Gurney, president of the Financial Psychology Corporation, told Fox News that couples discuss sex more frequently than they do finances. This can be a problem. To help prevent money matters from getting in the way of an otherwise blissful relationship, consider the following tips:

Open Your Mouth

You might be a saver, and your honey might be a spender. Or, you feel credit cards are OK for holiday shopping, while he insists on only using credit in a dire emergency. Everyone has different views about money, and that’s OK. What’s not OK is ignoring the topic.

Sit down with your beloved and openly discuss what money means to you—your expectations, goals, saving and spending styles, everything. The more you know about your partner’s views about money (and vice versa), the better off your relationship will be.

Create a Budget

One way to keep money talks on an even keel is to create a budget together. Oftentimes, one half of a couple becomes the designated “money person”—the one who pays the bills and keeps tabs on expenditures—but it’s better you both know just how much money is coming in and going out every month. Work together to prioritize finances as a couple, and you’ll both feel like you have an equal say in the budget.

Talk About Debt

It is imperative you get completely honest with each other about all things pertaining to money. Do you have a $5,000 Visa bill hidden in your sock drawer? Share it (the bill, not the socks) with your man. From late loan payments to depressed credit scores, spill everything. After all, would you rather find out about his less-than-stellar credit score now or three years down the road, when you go to apply for a home loan?

If either one of you owe a lot of money to various creditors, look for ways to reduce that burden. You might visit a credit counseling organization, start a get-out-of-debt program or raise money to pay down your balances. If you receive regular payments from an annuity or structured settlement, you may be able to sell your future payments for a lump sum of cash now, which in turn can be used to help pay down your debt.

Set Goals

What do you want money to do for you? Work together to create a list of financial goals. This can range from saving for a new car or a home or building up enough savings so one of you can stay home with a baby one day. Use this financial goal worksheet to get started.