Our guest contributor this week is Eva Finn from WiseBefore25.com

Have you ever been in a position where your friends and family are telling you that you’re too picky and to lower your standards? Well, I get that a lot. Now you wouldn’t think jury duty would be a great opportunity to meet men, but I have a girlfriend who met her husband that way. So when I was asked to perform my civic duty, I thought I should at least be open (although I did bring a book and brace myself for a day of boredom).

When I reported to the waiting area (or the holding area, as I like to think of it), I assessed the seating situation and decided upon this table that looked more comfortable than the auditorium. A guy was sitting there, whom I really didn’t pay too much attention to at first. But he was ok-looking and seemed friendly enough, so instead of reading my awesome Gillian Flynn book, I started talking to him. Because, you see, I need to start recognizing who the nice guys are and start dating them. And he certainly had that “nice guy” a.k.a., geekish aura about him.

As we started to talk, I found out he lived in my neighborhood, had a fairly decent sense of humor and not too bad of a smile. And I even found myself considering the possibility of going out with him. Until he said, “Why is it that women only go for the bad boys?” I don’t remember having said anything to encourage this comment. I think I mentioned that I was writing a blog about the mistakes I made when I was younger, http://www.wisebefore25.com, and how I didn’t want younger women to make those same mistakes.

After this question, I’m feeling like I have to start defending the female race while also being turned off at his generalization and lack of confidence. Not that we’re the smartest, or at least, I’m not the smartest when it comes to men. “Well,” I found myself saying, “Not all women like bad boys. I think that the smart ones learn how tell the good from the bad and appreciate the qualities the good ones have.” He paused and unconvincingly responded, “Yeah, I suppose you’re right.”

From there, things just went kind of downhill for me. The more I learned, the less interested I became. Like how he had to care for his elderly father three times a week and it was such a chore. And “even though it might sound kind of ghoulish,” he’d be moving into his dad’s place once he passed away. Or about the ex-wife he’s been separated from for 10 years “for financial reasons.” Or when I wanted to joke about the case when we went out for lunch, he replied, very seriously, “You know we’re not allowed to discuss this, right?” What a goofball.

Suffice it to say, another important thing to keep in mind, especially when you’re trying to be less picky, is that if a guy tells you he’s nice, it doesn’t necessarily mean he is. Oh, and he did ask for my number at the end of the day and if I would like to have a drink sometime.

I have a pair of underwear that says “In your dreams.” I find this philosophy applicable to many situations, especially this one.

Eva Finn
Writer and Creator of Wise Before 25, 50 Things Young Women Need to Know

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