Dirty Sex

Hello #BlogLovers,

For those of you following me on Twitter, you know that I’ve been spreading this term around ;-).


It’s what I do for a living.

NO. Get your mind out of the gutter! I talk about it for a living and obviously a hobby: sex education that is.

Believe it or not, in real life I don’t open up about my private matters; and it even took time for me to come around and tell my best friend about Jon* and what happened during the break up.

But I do talk about one of the most intimate experiences, that people come to have: Sex.

And I talk about the dirty parts of sex, that no one wants to deal with: Herpes, Chlamydia, and HIV etc….

When talking to a group at a health center, I had one person say that she knows she didn’t get Herpes from performing oral sex (because that’s just dirty unlike that good Christian-clean missionary vaginal sex) but she must have picked it up when she went to the hospital: she touched her hand on the back of the chair or on a doorknob and immediately wiped her mouth or nose and voilà, she has an STD.

Once, while accompanying a teen to the city health center; I was in the room while a doctor was trying to convince her that she had Chlamydia because her tests were positive even though she was a virgin (because lab tests are always right). So instead of outright agreeing to do the tests again (it cost about $60 to do a lab test vs. $4 to give some antibiotics) the doctor replied, “Well, maybe you got it from sharing towels or using a dirty one in your bathroom.”

Last scenario,

Middle-aged gentleman, who always wear a condom for every sexual  encounter, swears the only way he could have gotten HIV was when he was fingering/finger popping a lady friend. Turns out, he had a huge gash on his fingers, and I guess he didn’t think to wear a finger condom or at least a band-aid.

What do I make of these true life encounters? Well, obviously some people just bullshit. And even as a medical or welfare professional, all you can do is take them for their word. Cause I know you did not get Herpes from a doorknob, and sure as hell did not trip on a banana peel and so happen to land into some chick’s va-jay-jay and get Syphilis.

A part of it, is that when people lie about how they encountered such a fate, they are really lying to themselves. Think about it, STDs/STIs are the only class of diseases where we place blame on the patient for contracting an illness. We never ask a Cancer patient why they’re huffing around all that bad city air. You’ll never blame someone with Heart Disease for eating so much cheese, and you’ll only think of someone who has a rare Brain Tumor to just have bad luck. Unless of course, that tumor is cause by Syphilis

Yep. When someone says they have Herpes or HIV, we immediately ask , if not out loud, “Where have you been?” Because only certain types of people seem to fit the “look” that our imagination conjures up as a face of an STD. Like when this NYC radio DJ said that he doesn’t have HIV because he doesn’t mess with Haitian women.

The only thing dirty about sex, is the lies and myths that surrounds it. And I for one believe that if we see clearly through the all the misconceptions: we could all enjoy the clean good fun of gettin’ freeky!!!


As I have updated on Wednesday, there will be some new trends in the posting, on Wednesdays I have been putting out a new video to catch up with the chapter series, with our new artist Definitely Jenny! So if you haven’t already, please visit her page here

I’ll also be collaborating with other blogs and doing more guest postings as well as some life musings here at TheReporterandTheGirl

The blog has also been featured in this infographic. We are rated #29 of the top 100 Relationship blogs to look out for in 2013!  Thank you for readers for tuning in and commenting; as for without you guys, we would not have achieved such an honor.

This post will be under the “Musings and Life” category. Which can be found as a drop-down on The Writer link in the main top menu.

Good Night!

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© 2012 -2013 S. C Rhyne

101 thoughts on “Dirty Sex

      1. We are great at internalizing a lie, beating it half to death, brainwashing it and then sending it back out as something that we can almost believe is the truth.

        By we, if I HAVE to be honest, I guess I mean I. 🙂


      2. That is very true.
        Although I’ve come to the realization that I get judged no matter what I do so I tend to tell the truth a little too much now. In my creative work as well as in my life. It causes no end of trouble. 🙂

        But it makes life that much more interesting.

        I do enjoy your writing. I’m glad you are finding something to enjoy in mine.


      3. Crazy to think that we believe we live in the “developed” world. Thank you for fighting against ignorance!


  1. Thanks for helping to dispel some of the myths surrounding the way that you contract H.I.V. and other sexually transmitted diseases. Some of the things I’ve heard have been equally scary. A man will wear a condom but then will eagerly go down on you without a dental dam. Guys should be aware that they can contract H.I.V. that way as well. Just as a woman can get it performing fellatio.


  2. I am with you! The ignorance in this world, not just about sex, but just about any and everything that matters is to me totally baffling! But what the heck! Unless the Almighty intervenes people shall continue with their charades & pantomimes to live by no matter how explicit anyone tells them the truth of what they are doing! Ignorance is not really a bliss!


    1. I think its a combination of both. I’ve met people who are simply uneducated. You wouldn’t believe how many people believe that

      1) AIDS was invented as a gov’t experiment gone awry
      2) HIV can be transmitted through mosquito bites or animals
      3) STDs including HIV can be transmitted by sitting on a contaminated toilet seat (which in theory can happen, but someone to accidentally place their genitals on a bloody toilet seat?)

      And telling the truth is hard, especially to a loved one. Would you still hug and kiss and look at your mother or sibling the same if they told you they had AIDS?
      Would you still have them over for holiday dinner and let them eat from the same plates and silverware? Cause I have heard plenty of stories in 2013, where patients are no longer welcome in the homes of their family are around their own (grand)children since coming out.


  3. Your post really hit home. I told so many sex-related lies when I was young and single either because I was truly ignorant or I didn’t want to be perceived as that kind of girl. The worst was the lie of omission. In 1987, my partner and I watched Dan Rather on the evening news advise that anyone who had had a blood transfusion in the early ’80s get tested for HIV. I had had 3 blood transfusions in an Oakland hospital in 1981, a result of a traumatic leg injury. First I cried and then I made the call. Two months for the appt, two weeks for the results … Which were negative (major sigh of relief from the counselor). Where’s the omission? If I had tested positive, everyone would have assumed it was because of the blood transfusions, that it was “not my fault.” But I knew better. As we wanted in the clinic for the test results, I read a poster which listed all the risk factors for contracting HIV. And pretty much all except needle-drug use applied to me. The blood transfusions were the least of my worries, but I know I would have lived that lie if the results had been positive.
    Sorry for the long comment. And thank you for the work you’re doing to educate people.


    1. Hey 1WriteWay,

      Thanks for sharing your story! The 80’s were a scary time during the AIDS epidemic; and alot of people just don’t think about the fact it can happen to anyone!

      Its never anyone’s fault, for being sick and life doesn’t have to stop because you are. But hopefully we will become more open to having these conversations with loved ones.

      Especially parent to child.


      1. I lived in San Francisco then and it was a horrific time, especially if you were a gay male. There were people who ” embraced” the disease because they thought (hoped) it would rid us of the “scourge” of homosexuality. The lack of humanity toward people suffering from the disease was nauseating. But then there were the people at the clinic I went to for my test. They gave me hope for humanity.


  4. Such an important topic to discuss and it is great that you are addressing these issues. I am from New Zealand where sexual health check ups are free, condoms are free and other contraception is $3.

    Now I live in Australia condoms here are around $6 a box and contraception is expensive (thankfully I have a rod in my arm put in there in NZ for $3 before I left the country).

    The more people talk about these sorts of issues in terms of sexual health the more informed and empowered people can be about their body and their sexual health.

    Keep it up – Kim XX


    1. Hi Kim,

      This is true even here in the USA, there is a difference in sex health wellness. In New York there are clinics for free testing and treatment. But I know in Florida the resources a much scarce. Probably of course because New York City is very hard hit with HIV prevalence, while not so much in other states. People don’t know that in the boroughs it as high as 1 in 4.

      Thus, everyday from your morning commute to the evening you’re constantly coming into contact with people who are positive — law students, nurses, home health aides, tax cab drivers, doctors, unemployed, pastors…etc I’ve seen various backgrounds.


  5. The stork.
    The stork who delivered the baby to that family next door – he must have had some herpes on his wings. And it fell on me when he flew over my back yard where I was hanging out the washing.
    There’s no chance I got it any other way, doctor.


  6. It’s really all about the misconceptions, and not just the ones about sex. If people had the courage and the honesty to look at their misconceptions and accept that they may be wrong and open their minds to a different way of thinking, we would all live in a better world! 🙂


  7. I love this! This reminded me of my soon to be ex-husband who tried to tell me that I must have gotten trichinosis from a public bathroom or the hotel towel..and there was NO WAY he cheated on me with a girl that was texting him the next day after he left the hotel room he got when mad at me Thank God my doctor explained to me that it’s ONLY from having sex and that it’s treated EASY. I know I didn’t cheat on him at any time in our 3 years together…this just one reason for our divorce…but it goes to show that some people will come up with anything to explain why they have something.


    1. (Sigh)

      Hi Christina,

      I’m so sorry to hear that you are going through this. Trichomoniasis is easily treated with antibiotics; but nonetheless I can sense that the trust in the relationship is irreparable.

      Yes, that’s true even with hardcore proof like this; I wonder if he even got treated and told the other girl? Otherwise re-infection will continue. That’s another problem, one partner will found out that the other gave an STD an instead of telling them (because partner B may not know s/he has it) they’ll continue relations and keep getting re-infected.

      With Chlamydia, in particular, its more dangerous to keep having reinfection because by the third time-you’re likely to be sterile because if PID- Pelvic Inflammatory Disease.


      1. Right, yes I know and read it can cause all sorts of trouble if everyone is not treated. Sadly, I stayed in the relationship over a year after that. We were both treated the day I found out he gave it to me. I left due to physical and emotional abuse….He never told the girl she had it. Which, to me is sad because she should know. I think he figured it would be admitting he cheated. To this day he will never admit it…but I am not that dumb. 🙂


  8. Sometimes people want to lie to themselves because they just want to erase certain thoughts from their mind, but they forget that health care professionals deal with people who are in the same situation, so they are used to hearing about these incidents and are trained not to judge anyone.
    It’s unfortunate that people feel more comfortable with lies than the truth, but I’m glad that you are able to spot a lie and give the person the care that he/she needs no matter what!


    1. Thanks Viktorya,

      You’re right, cause in the end its about giving care and support they need. But also educating them to make sure they understand transmission properly so they can have fulfilling relationships with loved ones, while understanding the risks (if any) involved.


  9. I find it more than little depressing that the nonsense I heard twenty years ago about STDs is still prevalent and indeed seems to have taken on some bizarre tentacles like, you can only get HIV from Haitian women. I now feel compelled to go and have a chat with my own children about sex education…just in case something stupid slipped in when I wasn’t looking.


  10. I hate when people make up myths about STD’s and how a person with a STD looks like. It’s crazy how people cope with theses ideas. Love your post.


  11. Isn’t it ridiculous how everybody can get prescriptions easier than almost anything else? Doctors hand them out like they’re Pez candy (which I had a Superwoman and a Bugs Bunny one once, among many others…off topic lol). Your job has to be very emotionally strenuous, but I applaud you for taking on the challenge! I think it’s safe to say you are one badass bitch! But you’re not a bitch and you obviously seem very nice so I mean that in a good way. You go, girl! 🙂


  12. When I was growing up, AIDS was (we thought) a myth. (okay I dated myself there, didn’t I..) Sex education is crucial for anyone thinking of having sex or actively having sex. Always, condom, rubber, dam… call it what you want.. use the prophylactics!
    Awesome post!


    1. Thanks for reblogging. Denial is very strong. I don’t think people intend to lie to themselves, but symptoms aren’t as apparent, so they say, “I feel fine, it must be a mistake…or it’s just a really bad flu not full blown AIDS….”


      1. Yes, I hope this is a big wake up call to folks. Because I have met people who unintentionally and intentionally infected others with STDs.


  13. Hey Miss,

    People put walls around their central fortress. Lying is considered a sin or lack of character, but in this instance it is an Art of War tactic. 3000 years ago, Sun Tzu wrote a discourse on war. The main weapon of war he said was deception. Wiki that and you will find 9 ways to lie or how to “ethically avoid the facts”. The truth is a man may face AIDS and dying because he was criminally assaulted. This would be too much for ME if this were the case. I would


  14. Sorry for the break….
    I would lie in this case.
    I’ve actually had HIV testors come on to me, so Art of War, man. Not every lie is unvirtuous. Enter the ninja. Sex is what we are. The only alternative to lying may be suicide when you think noone loves you. I joke a lot Girl, but not for this. I AIDS tested 2x and am negative. I feel bad for those with. We are all connected. Try to understand that children lie in a similiar way! Protect the Soul. And those excuses ARE silly. But isnt life?


  15. Hey, if I came across as stereotypical before, my apologies Girl. My friends joke that I can look like any race and I don’t know where I’m from actuallyFrench Native American Russian? Well, I AM hot. I like and noogie everyone, but not to their discomfort. If I learn I do I correct it, but I will be the pup to test the fence until Im invited over. I hope NYNY smiles on you today!


  16. geez, some of those ‘stories’ are as farcical as the farm girl in that Seinfeld episode who believed she got an STD from ahem,..sitting on a tractor seat.

    beside the great writing you are doing a goodservice, TheGirl, good on you! and thanks for liking my poem.


  17. In my eyes, you hit this ball out of the park and scored a home run! Others will get STDs because people can’t even get real with themselves. Sadly, this is still true in a time when we have never been exposed to so much information so easily (and even anonymously!) Way to go!


    1. Yes, since World War II the rates of STDs have gone up in the United States despite the fact there is more education and prophylaxis available (especially since the 80s).

      The United States is the leading country in the Western World of HIV/AIDS infection. Over 1 million HIV+ people live in this great country and 50,000 people will be infected each year.

      What I said in my post is not news. We all know its out there, but yet infections continue.


      1. It’s hard to believe that there are still so many who would sooner bury their heads in the sand than educate themselves. I’m a strong advocate of being informed with facts. So much of the mis-information out there has made too much of our nation paranoid and frightened. So far, I believe it’s been a lethal combination. Before I lost a loved one to AIDS, I would have preferred to pretend it’s “much ado about nothing,” and take my chances. Which may be a large reason why we are still losing people to these particular STDs. Education is key. My respect and applause to the woman who isn’t afraid to research and write about the facts. ~K~


      2. Hi Wildfire,

        Thanks for commenting and sharing your perspective. Its not a vaccine or a cure that will save us. Its education and communication. People are dying from stigma, and it doesn’t have to be. We can eradicate all STDs with education and prevention.


  18. One of my favorite topics to talk about! I go to middle schools and high schools and talk to classes about STD’s and HIV/AIDS. If the teacher will leave the room, the discussions and questions are remarkably open and honest. These kids want honest facts. They are begging for reliable information. This misinformation they have is incredible and is perpetuated by the adults and parents that do not know the facts or are not willing to talk to their kids. (And HIV/AIDS is no longer classified as an STD since primary source of transmission is via mother-to-child.) I will admit, these kids have told me some things that I had to have them explain….


  19. Thanks so much for stopping by my blog! You crack me up. Yes, there are so many lies/misconceptions out there. What would the world be like if we just all told the truth all the time? Huh…there’d be issues there too, wouldn’t there? Anyway, you made me laugh, so that’s always nice!


    1. Yep there is issues with telling the truth. Mnay people wouldn’t like you as much if you always spoke the truth. However, I guess its better in the long run as well as we’re educated about the risks involved so both parties can take that risk knowing whats on the table.


  20. Thanks for the great article! I recently watched “Let’s Talk About Sex” on Netflix–your article reminded me of the documentary. I grew up in a very religious and sexually repressed home (I’ll be working through that shit for a while). Having made it to independence, I can really appreciate what you’re doing. The education is outrageously important. Thank you!


  21. A worthy post, dear, and you have handled the subject extremely well. It is sad and sometimes quite maddening, how much ignorance is out there.
    Thank you for stopping by my little blog.


  22. This design is spectacular! You obviously know how to keep a reader entertained.
    Between your wit and your videos, I was almost moved to start my own blog (well, almost.
    ..HaHa!) Fantastic job. I really loved what you had to say, and more
    than that, how you presented it. Too cool!


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