Guest Post: 5 Reasons Your Relationship With Your Ex Was Not As Great As You Think

breaking up, getting back together, ex, interracial dating, relationships, Jon and Sabine dating, The Reporter and The Girl, moving on, hard letting go

By Kevin

Do you ever regret breaking up with your ex? Do you think the relationship with your ex was amazing and you messed it up?

If so, you are probably not thinking things thoroughly. Here is a list of reasons why your relationship with your ex-boyfriend or girlfriend was not as great as you think.

1. Emotions

Break-ups can really mess up your mind. You are feeling emotions left and right and it seems the easy way to stop feeling these emotions is to get back with your ex. You start trying to convince yourself that your relationship was pretty good and getting back together will be a good idea. But in reality, you are just trying to avoid the break-up pain and the grieving by going back to a relationship that gave you this pain in the first place. Studies have shown that breakup pain is very real, and your mind will try to avoid this pain at any cost; even if it means getting back into a bad relationship.

2. You Are Just Lonely

After a long day at work, you come home, you eat your dinner alone and you go to bed alone. While lying down in bed, you start remembering your ex. You start remembering the things you loved about your ex. How they cooked chili for you and watched those movies with you. How they cuddled you in bed and whispered good night in your ear. How they kissed you every morning before you went to work. And all this suddenly makes you feel that your relationship with your ex was pretty good. Actually, the thing that you really miss is a relationship, not your ex. And it’s completely OK to want a relationship, as long as you don’t return to a bad one.

3. Investment

You know how some people stay in a bad relationship just because they’ve already invested a lot of time in it? It’s hard to give up on something you’ve already put so much time and effort in. If your relationship with your ex lasted for a long time, you’ve probably made a lot of sacrifices, put in a lot of effort and gone through a lot together. After a break-up, it seems easier to continue that relationship instead of doing everything again. You try to convince yourself that because you’ve invested so much in the relationship, it must be worth holding on to. But in reality, it’s nothing like that. If you think about it, the relationship didn’t work even after you made so much investment. And that just means your relationship was broken.

4.Beliefs

After a failed relationship, your faith in the opposite sex and relationships in general tends to shake a bit. You start feeling like there is no one better than your ex out there. You start ignoring all the bad things about your ex and start concentrating on the good things. You try to convince yourself that he or she is more suitable to you than the rest of the world. This happens usually after a bad date: you meet someone who is completely out of whack, and you can’t help thinking about how great your relationship was with your ex-partner. But in reality, you are just convincing yourself to settle for someone who is less than what you deserve. There are tons of people out there who are much more suitable for you than your ex; you just haven’t met them yet. And when you do, you will realize that she or he was not the only one for you.

5. You Broke Up

You started a relationship with him or her. You loved, laughed, had great time together, fought, worked on your relationship, and tried to solve your problems. All these things are normal in any good relationship. But in the end, for whatever reasons, you broke up. That alone should be enough to realize that your relationship was broken; because if there wasn’t something majorly wrong with your relationship, you wouldn’t have broken up. If you think that you broke up because of a reason that is not a big deal, then you are kidding yourself. If you could’ve fixed it, you wouldn’t have broken up.

Kevin writes about breakups and getting your ex back at unbreakup.org. Thinking about getting back together with your ex? Make sure you read this first.

Follow Kevin more articles on break ups and moving on at:

http://www.facebook.com/kevin.breakups

Tweet him at
https://twitter.com/thompkevin123 (@thompkevin123)

41 thoughts on “Guest Post: 5 Reasons Your Relationship With Your Ex Was Not As Great As You Think

  1. Hi Kevin,

    This is great! A good way to analyze your emotions the smart way! When all you want to do is crawl up in a ball or crawl back to someone who’s wrong for you!

    Ash.

    Like

  2. Reblogged this on Six feet and not an inch and commented:
    1. Emotions. You start trying to convince yourself that your relationship was pretty good and getting back together will be a good idea. But in reality, you are just trying to avoid the break-up pain and the grieving by going back to a relationship that gave you this pain in the first place.
    2. You Are Just Lonely. Actually, the thing that you really miss is a relationship, not your ex.
    3. Investment. It’s hard to give up on something you’ve already put so much time and effort in. If your relationship with your ex lasted for a long time, you’ve probably made a lot of sacrifices, put in a lot of effort and gone through a lot together.
    4.Beliefs. After a failed relationship, your faith in the opposite sex and relationships in general tends to shake a bit. You start feeling like there is no one better than your ex out there. You start ignoring all the bad things about your ex and start concentrating on the good things. You try to convince yourself that he or she is more suitable to you than the rest of the world.
    5. You Broke Up. If you think that you broke up because of a reason that is not a big deal, then you are kidding yourself. If you could’ve fixed it, you wouldn’t have broken up.

    Like

  3. i think kevin is just saying these things to make himself feel better about his bad ideas to rekindle that some of us paid for.

    his advice is all kinds of manipulative texting. who wants to come off as a stalker or desperate? noone i know. one i bought it & read it & did all of the study sheets, i could tell that this was. never going to be something i was willing to do.

    every relationship is different. each. break-up is different. many couple get back together after a year or more apart and wind up living happily ever after with no manipulation. kevin generalizes too much.

    Like

    1. Hi Sarah,

      Thanks for coming by! I think that’s true (and maybe a small part of me is hoping for that) that some couples do get back together after so much time has passed and when both parties have matured in some way….but clinging on to that hope can sometimes be debilitating for someone who was very heartbroken from the break up and can prevent them from moving on. Especially since, the majority of break ups don’t end up with a successful “back-togethers.”

      Plus, alot of it has to do with both parties maturing….if your ex is still the same jerk you dumped two years ago, then..getting back together is not going to change the relationship.

      Like

  4. Thanx Kevin for this survey … It’s really help me for something that I need to wake up from my bad dream once my realationship was broke up !

    Like

  5. Interesting points here. And I’m sure they apply in many cases and will help people steer their lives more calmly through the turbulent emotional seas of life and romance. Is The Reporter going to do any Reporting? Syria? Deforestation in Sumatra? That sort of stuff. Or are you two guys going to be Agony Aunts? You are doing a great job of it! Really enjoy your posts! Best! hugh in bangkok

    Like

  6. Good timing :o) – sent this to a friend who is going through a break up… trying to sort out the emotions with the “rational” mind. Thanks for sharing – it helped her to remember that intuition trumps all!

    Like

    1. Hi hun,

      Thanks for sharing this post. I definitely understand what your friend is going through, your rational mind is trying to make sense of the nonsensical. But it never can….hopefully with time and positive thinking to redirect her focus on herself and not the ex, she will heal.

      Like

  7. i started reading kevins blog 1.5 year ago when i went through a hard break up.got over it and had a new relationship.now im reading this blog post after breaking up with my gf.sucks big time!! she broke it off cause he was atill emotionally unavailable.reqlized this after 4 months.timing is so hard.during my first break up i was so worried about healing fast.each one of us needs their own time.keeping distance really gave me time to heal and gain clear perspective on the relationship and my ex.turns out once i was ok emotionally and happy again,i realized how wrong that person was for me. love yourself,when u trust your thoughts ad listen to what they are telling yo,u can never make wrong decisions.

    Like

    1. Hi Kate, thanks for stopping by! You’re right about needing a healing period, I think I violated that rule when Jon and I first broke up. I’m still healing but now I realize that I need time and space; so I’m thinking what’s best for me now, and not him.

      Thanks for sharing your story!

      Like

  8. Really good, a definite eye opener to the reality of the situation I’m currently going through. Trying so hard to outweigh the bad things about my ex with the good things and it’s a struggle. This just explains everything and I guess deep down I just miss being in a relationship.

    Like

    1. Hey Emily,

      I definitely know what you’re going through. As I struggle the same with Jon. I definitely think alot about the good times, but I really have to force myself to think about the bad times and the things he did and how that made me feel. And you realize that those bad times are the reason why you left. Going back will only make things stay the same…

      Like

  9. Awesome post. I have a tendency to create an alternate universe in my head in which everyone receives a copy of my script,and relationships wind up or down the way I envision them, It really pisses me off when no one reads the script.

    Like

  10. Your article is true and great. All of a sudden I would feel like my ex was great and thanks for remind me he was not that’s why we broke up from the first place.

    Like

  11. My husband left home for two years to Jamaica for a tourist, where he meant this Lady and he was bewitch by the girl my husband refuse to come back home again, i cry day and night looking for who to help me, i read a news paper about a powerful spell caster called DR KAMIRU and i contacted the spell caster to help me get my lover back to me and he ask me not to worry about it that the gods we fight for me.. he told me by mid-night when all the spirit is at rest he will cast a spell to reunite my lover back to me. and he did in less than 3 days my husband came back to me and started crying that i should forgive him, i,m so happy for what this spell caster did for me and my husband..Email:
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    Contact Him if you need Help!

    Good Luck.

    Like

  12. Kevin I read every email you’ve sent pertaining to getting back with my ex. I understand why couples breakup. But I see the problems and want so badly to worked them out. I’ve sacrificed a lot of time and effort. But he still can’t see where he’s gone wrong. I know he loves me just like I love him. Now he’s totally given up and I feel like it is fixable.
    He’s done some horrible things in the past to me. And now I see I had started to resent and lash out at him. He could not take it anymore after he finally started to do things and prove that he really does love and want to be with me.

    The last time I saw him his eyes just look dead to me. He said “he still loves me but after trying so many times logic says its impossible for us to ever work.
    I feel terrible. In the end I don’t think I ever forgave him that why I started lashing out.
    What do I do? He doesn’t call or text.
    He did text once asking me if I remembered a particular song ” Only You”. But nothing else. I haven’t tried contacting him in days now.
    What do I do? My hurt is so heavy.

    Like

    1. Well, it’s good that you both have love. That’s a solid foundation, next is whether you both can really work together to have a good relationship. Have you considered couples’ therapy? Would you two be willing to try that.

      Like

  13. Very good information. Lucky me I found your blog by accident (Stumbleupon).

    I have book-marked it for later!

    Like

  14. Your comments are very astute and on the money. Particularly, how you tell it straight up, if a man or woman had problems then they may not have changed and may as well not try patching it up.

    Like

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