HuffPo: Why Some Straight Men are Romantically or Sexually Attracted to Other Men

Sexuality and its increasing grey area.
Many folks think about sexuality in binary terms – Straight (Heterosexual) or Gay (Homosexual) and the “confused” or “greedy” Bisexuals who fall in the middle (that is, if you believe in Bisexuality, because some people do not).
But gender and sexuality studies are showing that things are not as Black and White as they seem, sexuality is along a spectrum where the majority of folks can fall in the middle and only some identify as extremely Hetero- or Homo -sexual.
You have Asexuals – which are folks who are not attracted to either sex. There are Pansexual individuals whose attraction includes Trans- and Ci-gender people and some other lesser known identities. Believe it or not, I believe that everyone knows someone who is Asexual. But since it had not been persecuted or studied like Homosexuality, it has been ignored. Think about it, that cat woman or distant aunt that grew to be a “spinster” – never married or had children. Or the uncle or teacher that too never married or seemed to have a romantic interest.
Some people are romantically involved in Hetero-relationships; like a Middle-aged Black man with a wife and three kids, but has a sexual attraction for men. He is Heteromantic, but has homosexual relations (the PC term is called MSM – Men who have Sex with Men to avoid using the label), he loves his wife and family but is sexually attracted to other men; he says he’s not gay. These are the realities…and sexuality terms aren’t so fixed. As one lecturer put it: “Just because you eat Chinese food, it doesn’t make you Chinese” then the same can be said for sexuality; does it make you gay if you only enjoy sexual relations with the same sex, but still fall in love and have relationships with members of the opposite sex?
And thus, my long winded way of sharing this post from Asexual Thinking…examining a study on “Straight Men and their attraction to other men” Let me know you thoughts!
Btw, Welcome my 8,000th blogger to follow me! Nicola Kirk at Chronicles of Ms. Typo!

53 thoughts on “HuffPo: Why Some Straight Men are Romantically or Sexually Attracted to Other Men

  1. How can you not believe in bisexuality? I happen to know several women who really enjoy sex with men, but have no intention of ever having a relationship with one? Some stuff with sex is purely mechanical and physical. (Your re-blog and your comments are interesting though, and this post was wonderful to read.)


  2. Very interesting note here. Reminds me of a conversation I had with someone regarding this topic…in their own words they said they were thinking of making a switch due to being hurt in the past by women. While I’m not sure if he’s secretly attracted to men, after posing graphic questions, I think it left him thinking is he or is he not. I’m not sure. That is an answer he has to find within himself. Great post!


  3. I think that most people are predominantly hetrosexual or gay, however many people are, at the very least curious about what it would be like to experiment sexually with a person of the same gender. Most people don’t experiment unless they are placed in a position where they are not able to access people of the opposite sex (for example those imprisoned for long periods). Oscar Wilde no doubt loved his wife but he was, basically gay and had he lived today would, almost certainly have come out as an openly gay man.


  4. interesting that comprehension on the subject is still evolving. i think that many are aware of this, but choose to ignore it. it’s good that dialogues are more open now – it helps to make it easier for those that follow. i was once told to follow my heart – it never lies.


  5. Society likes neat little categories to pidgeon hole everyone in. Gay, lesbian, bisexual, straight. That way when they meet someone, they can identify them, and stick them in the proper slot. Ah, he’s gay, he must be a certain way, because that’s they way gay people behave. The thing is, there is a lot of overlap and a lot of gray areas. Personally, I try to stay away from labels. No one deserves to be fit into a box. People change and grow constantly. The person you met last year, may not be the same person you see today. Best to try to take each person you meet as an individual, with a unique personality and yes, sexuality.


  6. Great post! For so long our society has felt the need to confine sexuality within the boundaries of a particular definition – the straight, the gay, the bi… and now more then ever we are seeing these boundaries shift and break down. I myself know so many individuals who don’t give their sexuality a label, and rather define their relationship by the way they feel about a particular person, irrespective of their gender. Its good to see that our society in this sense, is becoming more tolerant of individuals and their sexuality.


    1. Slowly and little by little we are. And the first place to recognize this is the bathrooms (Is just male/female or unisex) and the paperwork– are there more options to family status and gender roles…


      1. Thanks, I hope you check out my guest article on “Women’s Weapon of Seduction” if you’re interested in sexuality and gender issues…maybe even write a guest post?


  7. Very interesting post. It definitely made Me stop and think about several people I know. lol … Plus, I’ve got to say… ” With all of that in mind, is it any wonder that it’s so hard for a simple strictly straight woman to find Real Love with a strictly straight man ? ” Is it even possible ? I wonder.


  8. That is an interesting topic. I used to be attracted to men and women when I was younger. I even kissed and had sex with both. Right now I’m not attracted to men, only women and trans, I even had sex with transgender women. But for a relationship and to fall in love I need a woman, I don’t think I could fall in love with a man, maybe with a trans … But not with a man.


      1. Yes, I ever hated the idea of strictly straight, or strictly homo, I think there is no way of classify sexuality, and in every relationship, even in friendship, there is the factor of attraction.


  9. I have had friends be competitive over a woman and yet the aggression they showed felt to have a tinge of man-rape to it. In prison men use sex as violent dominance. Violence and death is the OPPOSITE of procreation and romance. Says a rock band, “More sex in your violence”.

    Is sex an ego deconstructor? Is death the orgasm of life? You never know until the whole life is over.

    To me breathing is supreme over sex. Sex has variety but kindergarten level platonic level is the most prevalant behaviour. It is unheard of that someone has sex 100% of the time. That would mean in a car wreck they need the EMT to french them after CPR, at Christmas, their sister to slap their ass and Mom to put oil on their chest from the Turkey.

    Something in us cries, where is a safety zone? A friend who doesnt need your pants for one.

    (The above is part of my play called…

    The Aristocrats! )


  10. so what would be the term for someone who has made bad decisions in relationships and so has taken a moratorium away from sex or relationships in order to try and find a better one? is there such a term? i am wondering for… a friend yeah, a friend is like this….


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