The Power of Rejection

I have rejected a number of guys in my short lifetime.

From all those “Drive-by Hollas”

hollering from a car, picking up girls, shenanigans














I’d sometimes Hollaback.

gwen stefani. hollaback, hollering from a car, pick ups










But that’s as far I would take it. Just say “hi” and keep it moving.

Used to be a time, when I’d go to the club and there was always a guy or three wanting to dance:

dancing guy, old white guy, funny guy












And maybe buy me a drink:

And then eventually ask if I ‘d like to…have some sweet stuff:

skittles, condom, sex, love-making, funny condoms









But a few Fridays ago, I finally decided to come out of the cave and soothe my primal needs. I had been distracting myself with other activities, until I felt that I was ready to be “out there”. Last June, my male friend tried, unsuccessfully, to hook me up during a fun night out. But I felt it too soon and the handsome man was too married.

But now its been about…18 months, but whose counting? So I thought I might give it a stab. I have even been lurking around my old online profile;  but I don’t think I want to go back to the site again.

So nonetheless, my wingman takes me out to several bars in Manhattan along the Upper Westside. With some liquid courage, I was able to start some pretty good conversations and even shamelessly touch and caress the targets’ arm to signal that I’m ready.

Turns out, no one was ready.

I was rejected about three times that night, ( I think twice from the same person).

The last guy I ended up having a great conversation with…I think. Well, I remember the most about him. Including the fact that he just broke up with his girlfriend earlier in the week.

Boy can I pick ’em?

So I spent the latter part of the night, encouraging him to “talk about it” and trying to console him because I think he was gonna cry, or maybe just really annoyed with me.

I’m not sure when I got home or how.

drunk girl, falling down drunk, intoxicated
But I did, and some days latter, I had to admire my shit-tastic luck.

I am now in the category of women that are educated, self-supporting, a few years shy of 30, and single. The likelihood that I would get married by 30, and biological clock nonsense, doesn’t apply to me anymore.

I mean let’s face it, if I can’t drunk guy in a dive bar at something o’clock to go home with, then what are the chances of having a real relationship?

An old acquaintance of mine, has been seeing this douche, dude, for like 6 or 7 years off and on. He constantly tells her he wants a future with her and blah blah…but then they break up. Usually because he does some dumb shit, and then they do their own thing for awhile and circle back to each other through hooking up…blah blah blah.

That’s not a real relationship, and who would want that drama of being “the sure thing.” You know the girl that waits patiently for her man to finish sewing his wild oats.

For a time I hoped for a reconnection with the reporter, but I realize now that I’ve gone through a metamorphosis and realized that I’m not the average woman who would follow the same plain Jane path.

I’m in a category all my own that can be defined by my standards. And not centered around someone else.

We’ve all been rejected, including my acquaintance who has been rejected multiple times by the same person. You’d think she take the hint….but nonetheless, it took a hard rejection for me to understand what it means to live.

So I’ll  go out again in another few weeks, and this time focus more on living and having a good time, than chasing tail.

Living Single:

sex and the city, living single, girls night out,









Follow on Twitter: @ReporterandGirl and Facebook.

32 thoughts on “The Power of Rejection

  1. Ahh, rejection. Ironically, that’s something men know very well. Traditionally, they’re the ones that go out and get knocked down over and over again. Sometimes I wonder how they cope with it. I mean, it must suck to constantly face so much rejection. It’s a hard truth, but women don’t usually understand what it’s like. When we get rejected, it’s unfamiliar territory, a new experience. Men go through it as a matter of routine.


  2. There’s a certain art to the drunken hook-up. And while it’s fun at first, it’s empty in the long run. You’re better off meeting somebody when you’re sober, at a place where you have more common interests than your love for alcohol and sex. Ideally, anyways.


  3. Re: single pushing 30-
    Please don’t put pressure on yourself to marry before age 30. My friend did that and ended up with a cruel and emotionally-abusive husband. We think those things are going to change after marriage (actually, you just inspired a new blog post idea for me! Thanks!), but that’s not the case. I feel bad that I don’t have kids-I’m 37 and am afraid I’ll just be too old soon.

    That said, I feel you. I used to be pretty and get attention from guys, but now I feel my time has passed-that I’m old and ugly (or uglier than I was before).


  4. Oh, and, when I was in college it was when we *weren’t* looking for men that we found them! We didn’t have sex or anything, but there were still things that, um, showed bad judgement. I’m glad that’s over but at the same time I do miss the days when I got hit on.


    1. I’m definitely not pressured to married before I’m 30. I realized a while it ago that it wasn’t going to happen. So why bother now with “serious relationships”? I should still be able to live and have fun, while I still can.


  5. It is amazing when you think about it… all packed in this planet, pretty much wanting the same thing but how we all go about it is so different. I like you realised a while ago that I was different and wasn’t going to compromise what I wanted or who I was to exodus “singletondom” in pursuit of the promise land. I told myself “I’d rather be on my own than get it wrong” and so I resigned to enjoy my journey, sometime desert, sometime oasis but nonetheless beautifully life lessons. You sound like you you have your head screwed on the right way so just enjoy the ride! ;o) Ps. so sad for your acquaintance – run for the hills like your hair is on fire.


  6. I crossed that road about 5 years ago. I am looking hard at the other new 20 (40) and still single. I decided that I needed to live, instead of just preparing for the life. So I make different choices now. Anyway welcome again.


  7. Living huh? Or preparing for life. I didn’t know there was a manual for preparing for life or living. I guess its those social norms that get people jittery/anxious with their lives. I don’t feel like there is a clear cut solution to this is at all.


Now it's your turn to share!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s