I hope everyone enjoyed the short week; for me it couldn’t end fast enough.
Not only did I not go to the gym all week (and this usually is when bad things start to happen), but a lot of things started to…fuck up.
Things were FUCKING UP left and right, up and down, and all around. I was fucked over so many times that Jenna Jameson and Ron Jeremy couldn’t last with the week I had.
Thursday was the worst. Have you ever had three cars die on you in one afternoon? All I wanted to do was get my hair done, shower and dress, maybe play around with a little eyeliner for a get-together in the evening. Since it looked like it would rain, and a fresh hair-do and torrential rainstorms are frowned upon circumstances, I just needed a car to take me there (1 mile away) and back.
After two unsuccessful tries, I finally was able to get a car to take me there, but not back. So I waited for the bus as the rain started to come…and waited, and waited. I didn’t have much time to play around with eyeliner as I got home because now I had to take the bus and subway to my evening rendezvous.
But my train was delayed due to an incident, signal problems, or some other vague explanation that NYC’s transit operators may or may not announce.
So much for getting out more.
Well, the fuckery didn’t stop there. After mingling with my colleagues, I went to a food table to find something to eat when, no kidding, a guy says to me, “Hey, aren’t you that girl who wore the vintage baseball shirt a few weeks ago?”
So no way, right? A guy recognizes me from a shirt I borrowed from my brother and wore once almost a month ago. And he remembered how I got it, and where I was from, and he thought he saw me on some random day…yadda yadda yadda. So I start talking and asking questions, his name is Tim. But then Tim’s friend, Paul, came by and he introduced me and I’m polite and say hello to Paul and asked what he does…and Tim walked away. He starts talking to a group of girls!!
So I’ve been winged! PUA’d! FUCKED!
Anyway, I’m still smiling and talking to Paul and asking him about his background, when I noticed that Paul’s speech became…broken. In other words, he started hesitating and saying things like, “Uhhhh…ummmm…well…” How hard is the damn question, “Why did you choose this field of law?” But then I see it: the matrimonial ring of death on his left hand. He had been visibly making a show of stroking his face and chin so hard with it, he might as well have bitch-slapped me and told me kiss the gold-colored band. Especially since the guy is right-handed. His bitch-slapping hand.
Well, that’s the end of that. Where’s Tim? (These aren’t real names, by the way).
Friday was a little better. Remember that time I wrote about my men problems? Yes, so after several months I agreed to a dinner and a boat ride as a treat for my birthday with Mr. Fifty-something. We agreed to it last week, and things seem normal until Tuesday night. I was coming home from a walk when he gave me a call. This was around 8:30 and I was just reaching my doorstep; so I asked to call him back in a half-hour, which I did and he didn’t answer, so I left a message.
Now, all my friends know, I’m physically in bed by 9pm, and gone by 11, maybe before then. But sometime around 11pm, I heard the phone ring until the answering machine picked up. After that, it rang and rang and rang again. In my dreamy haze, it sounded like it had rung for 15 minutes straight! I got up to answer, thinking its some huge issue. Turns out, he just wanted to say, “Hi”.
“Oh, are you sleeping?” He asks.
NO! I’m fucking a guy half your age, you prick!
“Yes.” I reply. After looking at the caller ID, the dude had called me four times in a row! Ironically, when it came time to meet on Friday, he was totally normal. No weird advances, kept his hands to himself, and we hung out and talked about things I would normally talk about with a friend. In fact, I even gave him advice about his ex-girlfriend who keeps popping into his life.
Today, nothing happened and that’s the way I like it. Geez, who knows what next week will bring. If I’m lucky, maybe a bullet to the head! Work sucks and I still haven’t heard back from prospective schools and graduate programs.
It all headed downhill this week. All one could do was strap on a seat-belt (or a condom, if you’re getting fucked) since so much was out of control. Have you ever had a really bad week? Or bad day? What do you do to weather the storm?
By the way, this week wasn’t all bad news, a winner for the Wild Wednesday Lingerie shopping spree has been chosen. Congratulations to @imbulky! This Indiana resident has won the spree with Leonisa for sexy lingerie. Thank you to Leonisa for sponsoring this blog give away. Please send congratulatory tweets to @imbulky and visit Leonisa website for intimate items for him and her.