Living Better, Single

deep conversation, brilliant mind, beautiful soul, relationship meme, S.C. Rhyne, The Reporter and The Girl

The important word here is, “living”. We sometimes forget that despite the obstacles and hardships we face, life still goes on.  We cannot get stuck.

I have been “stuck” these last two weeks, but slowly my feet are trudging through the thick mud so I can live. I heard back from one school, and the professor will not take on my research proposal, so I won’t apply. I still have to hear from one more…so time will tell.

I started getting momentum towards the end of the week when I scouted out another school and emailed a couple of professors. One replied on Friday asking for my draft proposal, so I’m back on the ball! As long as I keep applying…I’ll keep moving in the right direction.

As I try to get other pieces moving in the right direction, this weekend, I thought about what it means to be single. I spent both Friday and Saturday night at home and the days were unremarkable, as there weren’t any events by me, and no one to hang out with. Not a bad thing, as I had a pretty wild one last weekend that resulted in getting an extra hole…somewhere.

Per discussion with a friend, I asked why some people are constantly in relationships,and how they manage to sometimes go from one to another with seemingly short periods of singleness.

“I like being in relationships and having someone to connect with”.

“I like being with someone and not alone”:

“I get lonely and its great having someone to talk or be with”.

“I hate being single”.

By the way, all of these statements were said by men. Surprise right? Despite the stony macho wall that most guys put up, these guys were “relationship oriented”. You’ll also notice that the statements are about connecting on an emotional level and not just about sex. And I also have some old male friends that recently (as of Sunday) put a ring on their relationships.

All these reasons (except for the last one), are great things to have in a relationship: connection, companionship, and communication. Those guys are lucky to find that in every relationship they dived into, however I wonder what happened to the last “C” (commitment), if they move from one to another seamlessly.

It also makes me ponder why I don’t feel like I need these, as strongly as my friends do.

I was born alone, and statistics show that I will also die alone, and young too. Unless you’re a twin or otherwise, we are all born alone, and very few couples actually die together (unless something horrible happened). So I always enjoyed my own company, even when I’m out, I’m still usually in my head.

Chey B, calls this “single by design“. Before anyone is in a relationship, you are single first.The way you define yourself now, is how your partner will see you when you pair up. How you take care of YOU – inside and out, will show when you are partnered up and may determined how successful you are in a relationship.

In other words, if you are lonely or do not enjoy your own company, chances are that other people will not enjoy your company too. If you do not enjoy hanging out with you, then why would someone else enjoy being with you?

I also feel the need to put a disclaimer here: There is a difference between lonely and being alone. Many people can be alone (physically) but not feel lonely (emotional). If someone is feeling lonely, this is internal and not something a “relationship” will solve.

Being single is the opportunity to design yourself and grow to your fullest potential. Of course, when you’re ready you can share the fruits of your labor with someone worthy.

Worthy.

Again, you worked hard on growth and development, you will want to share it with someone that will appreciate it. Many of the statements listed above reveal persons who may not be fully developed and ready for a relationship. Hence, they may make bad partners, and we have all had bad partners. So make sure you pair up with the right person at the right time. You don’t want to jump in only to be tossed back out by being single by default.

So tell me 3  traits in each of the following categories:

  •  3 things that you are good at, or that make you awesome
  • 3 things that you want to accomplish or do
  • 3 things that you want to improve or get better at

Three things that make me awesome:

I can leg press up to 360 pounds, I’m very organized, and I can tie a cherry stem into a knot with my tongue.

Three things that I want do:

Go back to school! Travel to Africa and the Middle East, learn another language and target shooting.

Three things I need to improve:

The languages I had already learned (I’m forgetting Italian, Mandarin, and French since I don’t use those often), stop biting my nails, be better at communication, especially my feelings.

So let me know on Facebook, Twitter, G+, or post it on my board!

31 thoughts on “Living Better, Single

  1. Love this post! Great insight! I always grew up wanting nothing but a boyfriend. That was my whole focus. But after a failed relationship where I was completely dependent and with age, I’ve started to enjoy being on my own more and more and crave a relationship much less. In fact, the only times I really “want” a relationship aren’t even really me wanting one, just me worrying that because of my age that I won’t ever be in one again. But when it comes down to it, I love being able to, as you said, enjoy my own company and focus on my needs and wants and improving myself and not have to worry about not only a relationship, but even dating.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Jackie! I think thats true for me too. The energy your put into YOU, instead of focusing on getting a “relationship”. You will love yourself more for it. Do YOU and the right person will take notice!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Lovely read. The perfect way to start my new week. I will definitely be writing down answers to the 3 categories you listed. Thank you for sharing and have a lovely week ahead.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. 1) I can hum and whistle at the same time
        2) I can weave in and out of lines of people with incredible speed – it is the trait most likely to keep me alive during times of natural disaster.
        3) I will laugh at my own jokes even if no one else does.

        Like

  3. 1) It would be interesting to distinguish between “beeing single/alone” and “feeling lonely”. I bet that the 4 people who answered your question always seeking new relationships since they would otherwise feel lonely.
    2) The 3 skills that you list are definitely more unique and more valuable than the 3 things that you would like to achieve.

    best regards, Michael

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Well, thank you for the compliment but I got my bucketlist in hand and my heart set on accomplishing them. Especially the PhD, as I will be first in my family. Yes, I distringuished alone/lonely in my older posts, I will link it to this one.

      Like

  4. I agree, a huge turn-off for me is meeting someone who is desperate for me to complete them or save them from being on their own, particularly if they’re just freshly out of a long term relationship. On the other hand I’ve become so good at being on my own I find it hard to adapt to being part of a couple, I’m just a very independent person and can easily feel smothered by being with someone constantly. In my experience men seem to need to be with someone (anyone will do) more than women (which is kind of contrary to common stereotypes).
    I love to meet someone who is good on their own and comfortable with themselves but also ready to adapt to fitting me in (as much as I want to be fitted).
    To be honest being single rocks and it’d be great if society realised that!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m with you there, BecHanson. I haven’t met a man that felt the need to always be with someone, but I guess when they emotionally connect…they “connect”. I think society is slowly starting to realize this….

      Like

  5. So I’m super new to blogging… (like one month in) just saw you had “liked” something I had written so am clicking on people’s profiles and seeing what the heck this is all about. Seems like you’ve been writing for a long time…I feel like that should be on your list of “awesome” before tying a cherry stem with your tongue 🙂

    Read some of your other stuff…not sure how old you are/were when they were written, but seems to be a lil bit of anxiety in regards to being 30+ single. Just here to let you know that single in your 30s is way better emotionally and physically than single in your 20s. I promise 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hey TakeUpSpace, Welcome to the blogosphere, I’m glad you came for a visit. I’m not quite 30 yet, but you’re right in my most recent dating shenanigans, I do feel that I am in a better place emotionally and physically than I was before. Thank you for the words of encouragement! Any advice though for other readers who may feel this anxiety about being single and how to live better?

      Like

  6. Your advice is applicable to any type of relationship (intimate, professional, occasional blog commentary etc.). And I really like your three-threes challenge, so here goes:

    1) Things that make me awesome: I fence competitively, blog every day, and actively support my wife’s cake-decorating business

    2) Things I’d like to do/accomplish: Get paid for writing, take a “grand tour” of the United States (agenda TBD), help my children realize their ambitions

    3) What I need to improve: Chutzpah, soliciting help for my writing, being a better friend

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Chutzpah is a Yiddish word, typically defined as confidence or courage, but I’ve always associated the term with a certain cool swagger, almost cockiness — if confidence is “Yes, I can do this,” chutzpah is “Yeah, I got this baby.” Chutzpah is the quality you have when you know you’re good enough to get away with a little flair, and it has the magic ability to dismiss any lingering doubt you have in your abilities.

        As for being a good friend, I think I do OK but there’s always room for improvement!

        Liked by 2 people

  7. Very thought provoking, thank you!!! I totally agree that being alone and being lonely are totally different, but I do think that sometimes it’s ok to feel lonely… I find that although I like spending time by myself, that ‘lonely feeling’ can spur me on to contact a friend I haven’t seen in awhile or organise a party! Thank you for your encouraging words 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I’ve been single most of my life. I want kids, but only with a woman I love. I’m the opposite of the men you describe, I get out of relationships fast, and have long gaps in between and don’t engage quickly with someone new.
    3 things…
    Awesome:
    I’m great at learning. I cook. On something other than a grill. I make people laugh.
    To do:
    Travel. Pursue more studies. Learn to trust others
    Better at:
    Making money. Honestly viewing myself. Trusting others
    This was a great post and insightful as well. I like how you asked questions. I always enjoy your posts. Thank you for sharing your mind

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Andersays, thanks for sharing your characteristics! To each his own, I hope you achieve your goals of being better at making money (and saving it?), viewing yourself (you sound smart, ambitious, and good company), and learning to trust others (so maybe you can open your heart and give that one a chance).

      Liked by 1 person

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