Chapter 1: The Snob

So got your degree in history, huh? Cool, I love history.”

This is the first message Jon sent to me after adding him as a favorite to my bucket list. In the online dating world you could browse through various profiles and save the ones that interest you, so you can browse through them later. The dating site alerted him that he had been favorited and he decided to contact me: he had to pay to do that.

After some back and forth emailing he sent me his phone number and I texted him, and eventually called to hear the man behind his salacious online handle: Mr. Switch.

Hi, Its Sabrien from online. How are you?”

Jon-Hey yo, why the fuck are you calling from a blocked number, huh? What the fuck you are trying to hide? What the fuck is this?”

Sabrien –Um, are you serious, I think you need to calm the fuck down…”I thought this guy was from New England?  Is this the right number?

Jon –Eh I ain’t doing shit right now,  just came from the fucking….”

And that was pretty much how Jon and I introduced each other, a pretentious and vulgar ruffling of feathers like two male peacocks fighting for territory in the middle of mating season. Had we met in person immediately after emailing each other, there probably would have been blood spilled.

No, there definitely would have been blood spilled.

And so we talked…..about stuff, whatever I could make out between his F bombs. He went to school out of state, is an only child, C-section baby, and works as a reporter in the city.

Jon-So how did you find my profile?”

Sabrien –Yeh I was browsing people in my area, and I’m 25 about to have a birthday soon, your profile said we’re the same age….so I messaged you cause there’s not a lot guys in my age group in this area….”

Jon-I’m 24, oh I actually changed that on purpose”

Sabrien-Oh ha ha ha….so now who’s trying to hide something! You ragged on me for having a blocked number?”
Jon –Not trying to fucking hide anything, just hiding my identity”

I’m thinking: Douchebag!

Sabrien – “You know we’re in the same boat…how long have you been online?”

Not only was Mr. Switch new to online matchmaking, but he hadn’t been active for even a month before we contacted each other. Virgin and paranoid, he would continue to “ruffle his feathers” in an attempt to show his virility and “CHARM”

Jon also seemed to be a good writer and have an inquisitve nature, but you can forget about art of seduction, the guy needed to review Friendly People Skills  for Dummies 101.  Call me a pseudo-psychologist but I was his mirror; I could see underneath his façade and reflect his projections. Every time he shot, I patronized back.

So you’re actually younger than me?….hhhmmm…. I dunno,….guys your age are usually immature…did you graduate college?”

Jon– “Yeh, I went to a small…”

Sabrien – “Oh my university is top three in the state, graduated with honors…So your profile says you’re new to the scene, I guess I’m more experienced…”

After a short period we decided to meet.  I scheduled him last after a succession of dates I had lined up that weekend. Sunday before our first encounter, I had a very fulfilling brunch in lower Manhattan with a very unfulfilling date: cocky, arrogant, and yes ladies we went DUTCH (and I’m Caribbean, I don’t speak that language!). Conversation topic: “ I Hate New Yorkers. Can’t wait to go back to Boston…law school…corporate….Sh!t….”

That night, Jon had loosened up a bit and became more comfortable and low key in conversation and our banter was more natural and PG-13.

Before I hung up with him, I heard sigh of relief, and imagined him lying back on a bed or chair; maybe he took some of my stretching and deep breathing advice….

Jon – “So, 6:30…I’m excited to meet you tomorrow”

Sabrien – “Why?”

Are you sure you write for the paper and not just deliver it?

Now who’s the snob?

Preview for Next Week

Backspace + Ctrl+ Enter

Hi, I’m looking for….Naked Lunch

Sabrien — “So what are you looking for?”

Jon – “I just want to have fuuuunnn and  be with someone that loves trying new things…this is my first blind date”

Sabrien – “You think this is a date? What kind of stuff do you like to do

© 2012 -2013 S. C Rhyne