Don’t Screw It Up: Text Etiquette for Online Dating

BWWM dating, interracial dating, online dating, textationship, S.C Rhyne, The reporter and the girl, IR blog

If dating is a baseball game, the first text is like the first pitch — you either knock it out of the park and set the winning tone for the game, or you strike out and lose before the first inning is over.

Of course, texting your crush isn’t always that black and white, but the pressure of a great first impression is in the front of your mind before typing out those first words. And it doesn’t matter if you’re a man or a woman, the pressure is on for both genders.

If you feel like you’re constantly sending all the wrong texts at all the wrong times, follow these steps to digitally woo your date and hit a home run on day one.

Be Yourself

There is a strategy to texting, yes, but don’t be deceptive. If you text through a charming persona but can’t hold a conversation in person, you are setting yourself (and especially your date) up for disappointment. Be the best version of yourself through a text message without changing who you are completely. It will make the first time you actually meet that much more compatible.

Turn Off Read Receipts

If you have an iPhone and read receipts — the function that tells the person on the other end when you read a text message — turned on, why do you torture yourself like that? We delay text responses for a number of reasons, but you’re only agonizing the person on the other end when he or she sees “read” without an immediate response. Do everyone a favor and turn that mode off.

Don’t Judge Green Texts

Speaking of the iPhone, not every smartphone in the world is made by Apple, and Android makes some awesome devices these days. Just because the texts are green, doesn’t mean the person on the other end is using some drug-dealing burner phone.

Don’t Be Afraid to Text First

It’s a scene straight out of “Dawson’s Creek.” On the left is the boy waiting for that first text, and on the right is the girl waiting for the same, only for both to wait all night for nothing at all. Don’t let the opportunity to reach out pass you by just because you want to “play it cool.” A good way to initiate the first text without seeming pushy is to get his or her number and send the “hey it’s me, just wanted you to have my number too” text.

Emojis Are Fine in Moderation

This one is for the fellas (women can use as many emojis as they please). A smiley face here or a wink there is fine, but don’t blast them out like a 13-year-old girl. The first text should probably be emoji-less, and then you can gauge the rest of the conversation based on what the woman is sending you in return.

Playing Hard to Get Is BS

This one is for the ladies. Men are already nervous enough crafting that perfect, first text to you. Don’t drive them insane by purposely making them wait hours or even days for a response. No, don’t hover desperately over your phone to reply within the second, but just treat the person on the other end of your phone how you’d want them to treat you. Texting is all about the golden rule.

Are you in a #textationship? Why haven’t you met up yet? Let me know your thoughts on Facebook or tweet me!


Chapter 2: Backspace + Ctrl+ Enter

Hi I’m Looking for…Naked Lunch

Sabrien — “So what are you looking for?”

You will hear this question more than once. However, unlike emails people cannot:

Backspace – Erase what you said

Ctrl – control your emotions/biases

Enter – Put something new again

Sitting next to Jon, I gazed at his profile as he contemplated the selection of drinks.

There’s no way he’s over 21, maybe I should ask to see his ID?

Luckily the bartender spared me the embarrassment. He has a very slim build and wore jeans and loosely fitted shirt and carried a messenger bag that he rested on the seat. I smiled to myself as I thought: My very own neighborhood paperboy!

I quickly looked back with feigned interest in my own drink; while clearing my mind of inappropriate journalism fantasies. I opened up with neutral banter, “How was work?…”

I studied the features of his face, not because I thought he was overly handsome or repulsive, but I had a lens of envy in my eye. We’re practically the same age, how is his skin so much smoother and younger looking than mine? Other than the lightly colored shoots of stubble breaking way for life, there was no way the average person would think this man before me had long past puberty. Other than that he was normal looking guy. As normal looking as a sociopath; then my ears perked up-

Jon – “I just want to have fuuun,” he embellished as he leaned back in his seat and looked at me with his triangle pupils. “And with someone that loves trying new things…this is my first blind date”

Looking back at his plain cheesiness, I thought his boyish and geeky manner of crooning his words shot at me like an arrow through my back. But I tried to remain calloused.

Sabrien – “You think this is a date? What kind of stuff do you like to do?”

While we went back and forth about how nervous we were moments before meeting; anxiously scouring nearby pedestrians for each other. We complimented each other on our attractiveness and joked in relief at our less handsome bystanders.

Jon – “Can I use the bathroom?”

Sabrien – “Can’t you hold it? I still have more to ask you.”

Jon – “Yes, Ma’am”

Sabrien – “Tell me more about The Naked Lunch

Jon — “…it’s pretty interesting, it doesn’t have a plot cause its different stories…”

After a bit, we took off (much to a relieved bartender) and walked around the streets a bit until we came to a hookah lounge. We made ourselves very comfortable on the love seat sectionals, this time discussing our more intimate and taboo desires.

TABOO – This show is named after you, Jon.

Let’s put him to the test…see what he can handle

Sabrien –“ I’m trying to relax, massage my shoulders”

Jon – “Yes Ma’am” as he clumsily worked his hands through my shoulder, with uneven and light pressure…

Its ok, but it doesn’t make me moan… 

He touched the base of my neck and gently worked through the curly roots that were still a bit damp from that afternoon’s shower.

Jon – “Can I kiss you?”


Sabrien – “Hhhmmm…you’re nice….how about you kiss me here (I pointed to my knees) and eventually you’ll work your way up.”

I giggled in delight as he leaned over and placed two soft smooches above my knee caps. But on the way back to the train station, I realized there was venom in his saliva. My mouth dried up, I was a little disoriented, and my stomach filled with heaviness; it wasn’t nauseating, but made that afternoon’s meal the last one I’d have for a long time.

He pushed me against the municipal building as his lips and tongue invaded my mouth, neck, and ears. After a few moments he chuckled and gazed at me: his eyes were completely tantric. I called out to him but he was gone, he couldn’t hear me. So far gone…and I was falling fast behind him.

Next Week: Ch. 3

Home is where…the spirit dies

Text message:

Awesome, I’m going to stop by the store and pick up some stuff for tonight

Jon apparently has many great talents with his hands, aside from computer work. 🙂

© 2012 -2013 S. C Rhyne