Breakup Survival Kit: Finding Balance as You Cope and Grow

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It’s called a breakup for a reason. Not only did your relationship break apart, but it left your heart and life broken into a million pieces. Your every day, memories and dreams are shattered. Following such drastic change, your heart, mind and body are in survival mode, seeking every quick-fix solution to cope and help ease the pain.

Although facing the reality of the breakup and enduring the pain is all part of the healing process — yes, distractions do help you move on. Remember, this a time to reflect, learn and grow. So, seek positive distractions that align with your goals and propel you to thrive.

Also, use balance as your foundation. Throwing yourself into your career? Overworking can become unhealthy, mentally and physically. And if you dive headfirst into the dating game, you may be setting yourself up for emotional turmoil and another failed relationship by not take some time to grow alone after your breakup.

You’ve pulled yourself out from under the covers. Ready to take on the world? Check out this guide that incorporates balanced living for the woman who can conquer it all on her own.

Career Goals + Exercise

  • Focus on Your Career: More than ever now, you may feel motivated to take that next step in your career. This is a time to focus on you and set independent goals to help you grow into your best self — and this may mean within your profession. Take the plunge and earn an advanced degree or additional certification. Ask your boss for opportunities where you can extend yourself more or learn a new skill to elevate your position. Or this could be the motivation you need to leave behind an insufferable job. Looking for something more meaningful? Teaching and healthcare positions aren’t the only challenging, yet highly rewarding careers that make a positive impact on people’s lives. The world — and job marketplace — is your oyster!
  • Stay Active: Working overtime to prove your dedication can help with your growth game in the office (and maybe even in your bank account), but you don’t want to burn out. Break away from the computer, laptop, tablet and phone and get moving. Whether you jog outside or take a yoga class, exercising will improve your mood, while keeping you healthy. Exercise has direct stress-busting benefits (for those long work hours), and lowers symptoms associated with mild depression and anxiety (for those moments you miss your ex), according to Mayo Clinic.

Friends, Family + Solitude

  • Use Your Support System: Even though it’s hard to believe right now, this breakup is a breakthrough. Rely on your friends and family to talk out your feelings during the recovery process. This may also be a great opportunity to reconnect with an old friend with whom you lost touch with during your relationship. If you need to build a brand-new social circle, check out Meetup.com, where you can meet new people who share similar interests. Down the road, these meet-ups may even lead you to a new romantic love interest without the pressure of a date or third-party setup.
  • Don’t Forget to Soul Search, Alone: Reserve time for yourself to let go, grieve, learn, heal and stay mindful. If you constantly distract yourself with happy hours or immediately sign up for the latest dating app, you won’t truly find peace. Since this is the time to focus on yourself, dig deep and get real. Ask yourself, “What are my non-negotiable values?”, “What do I want, over what do I need?” and “How can I feel empowered and confident, without the dependence of another person?”

So how do you move on from a break up? Do you still think about even though a significant amount of time has passed? Tell me about it @ReporterandGirl or post it on my wall on Facebook.

And the heart grows….Stronger

Forgive me because I’m using an iPad for the first time, as I do not have access to a computer.

Happy Independence Day weekend to my fellow BBQ-ing Americans. If you have a life then you’re probably not sitting around reading my post (and if you are, well I’m writing it, so that makes me….) but I still love you all!

Love.

Defined as a sensation by many
Instilled as expectations long ago
Internal? Otherwise fatherly/motherly
Arriving on a whim when the right person appears
Expecting a feeling to erase all our unspoken fears
Emotionally, physically, magically, spontaneously degenerates
As easy as you fell in
Spontaneously, magically fall out
Hocus pocus when the pixie dust is gone
there appears all the wrongs
Slight of hand slight of heart
Tremendous hopes and expectations
Consequence of your heart’s misconception
Is that the love you have for me?
Shallow as your eyes can see?
My love deeper and lasting
Your goodness appreciating
My love is a choice (first)
Dealing for better or worst
Focus rooted in the good in you
Meaning
Investing in you part of me giving
In the emotional times when we are low
Indecision to stay or go
In at its lowest always grow
Looking for the good in you
Loving you as God intended
This is not a magical feeling
Or whimsical affection
It did not just happen
Created over time without ballooning expectation
How can I so easily say…still
Because my love is not a feeling nor a magic sensation
It is loves true definition
Of you to me

By NLJ

So these are honest words written by a man who is also learning about love’s true meaning. I was talking with the poet about the changes he experienced after the dissolution of his marriage. He doesn’t hate his ex, he wishes the best for her; forgives her and is living in a new chapter. And the reason he is able to turn the page, is because he is experiencing love’s true meaning.

Because when you have love, you can’t hate the people who wronged you. Even those who betrayed your deepest trust. I know this is true, because the opposite of love is not hate. It’s indifference. It’s when you can truly forgive that person, you can move on.

Though the circumstances are different, I wonder why I seem to have trouble with that last step of forgiving and moving on? Everyday, things are getting better and I try to stay positive and appreciate things more; little things no longer seem little -like someone smiling or saying “Good morning” to you. But I can’t help waving from blame to disappointment or anger over the way Jon exploited me.

And other times he doesn’t cross my mind, or I don’t feel anything when I think of him. I don’t want to date again despite everyone else telling me to…and even trying to hook me up (that’s a post for next week); but it’s hard forgiving someone who callously uses others for his own benefit.

But all in good time. Moving on is different for everyone, and the steps aren’t laid out like a map.

One year ago this month, I experienced something that I never felt. I was in love: meaning that for first time I gave love and saw someone in his purest form and I still loved him. And it takes courage and inner strength to give that to someone. Especially someone who may not deserve it.

Now I’m not with that person, not because I stopped loving him; but because I realize that he did not feel the same way or is unwilling to give back. Thus he would hurt me more if I stayed. My love has changed over the course of time, and it may not go away.

Maybe for men it’s different. And I would like to hear more from male readers. Even though the poet and I talked on legnth about this topic, I know men are wired differently and may not experience the same love in every relationship and moving on is different from them.

In fact, he remarked, “A man wants to marry a woman who loves him more than he loves her.”

Me: “What?!”

“Because a guy is anticipating messing up.” And as women, if we love…we’re loyal enough to overlook it or forgive.

What is your true definition of love?

Your thoughts?

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Enjoy your weekend!

S.C “TheGirl” Rhyne

Longer Preview to Chapter 13

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Chapter 13: Quiet…Its a Breakdown not a Breakup details a sudden and dramatic turn of events in Jon and Sabrien’s relationship. A once bright golden couple filled with laughter and shriek, is dark and silent.

Chapter 13 will post Friday 1/18. In the meantime please enjoy the longer preview:

Hey Jon, I guess by ignoring me, you wanted me to feel low? Point taken. I was reaching out to the friend I thought I had in you. I didn’t think that when you broke up with me that we caste each other out of our lives…..

Tune in 1/18/2013

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