Don’t Screw It Up: Text Etiquette for Online Dating

BWWM dating, interracial dating, online dating, textationship, S.C Rhyne, The reporter and the girl, IR blog

If dating is a baseball game, the first text is like the first pitch — you either knock it out of the park and set the winning tone for the game, or you strike out and lose before the first inning is over.

Of course, texting your crush isn’t always that black and white, but the pressure of a great first impression is in the front of your mind before typing out those first words. And it doesn’t matter if you’re a man or a woman, the pressure is on for both genders.

If you feel like you’re constantly sending all the wrong texts at all the wrong times, follow these steps to digitally woo your date and hit a home run on day one.

Be Yourself

There is a strategy to texting, yes, but don’t be deceptive. If you text through a charming persona but can’t hold a conversation in person, you are setting yourself (and especially your date) up for disappointment. Be the best version of yourself through a text message without changing who you are completely. It will make the first time you actually meet that much more compatible.

Turn Off Read Receipts

If you have an iPhone and read receipts — the function that tells the person on the other end when you read a text message — turned on, why do you torture yourself like that? We delay text responses for a number of reasons, but you’re only agonizing the person on the other end when he or she sees “read” without an immediate response. Do everyone a favor and turn that mode off.

Don’t Judge Green Texts

Speaking of the iPhone, not every smartphone in the world is made by Apple, and Android makes some awesome devices these days. Just because the texts are green, doesn’t mean the person on the other end is using some drug-dealing burner phone.

Don’t Be Afraid to Text First

It’s a scene straight out of “Dawson’s Creek.” On the left is the boy waiting for that first text, and on the right is the girl waiting for the same, only for both to wait all night for nothing at all. Don’t let the opportunity to reach out pass you by just because you want to “play it cool.” A good way to initiate the first text without seeming pushy is to get his or her number and send the “hey it’s me, just wanted you to have my number too” text.

Emojis Are Fine in Moderation

This one is for the fellas (women can use as many emojis as they please). A smiley face here or a wink there is fine, but don’t blast them out like a 13-year-old girl. The first text should probably be emoji-less, and then you can gauge the rest of the conversation based on what the woman is sending you in return.

Playing Hard to Get Is BS

This one is for the ladies. Men are already nervous enough crafting that perfect, first text to you. Don’t drive them insane by purposely making them wait hours or even days for a response. No, don’t hover desperately over your phone to reply within the second, but just treat the person on the other end of your phone how you’d want them to treat you. Texting is all about the golden rule.

Are you in a #textationship? Why haven’t you met up yet? Let me know your thoughts on Facebook or tweet me!


A Lost Boy

man child, immature boy, the reporter and the girl, video games, TV, smoking pot, unemployed, no life, loser

It is a few days left until I move into my apartment in London; an exciting, scary, and new stage I’ll enter. Although moving doesn’t sound exciting to everyone (the stress of carrying luggage, and transferring things to another address etc…), this is the first apartment that I acquired and will live on my own – so its a big deal that I get it “right”.  And maybe soon I’ll have a housewarming to show off the new digs once I paint and stuff.

However, I have been hesitant about this, as it shows how invested I am in staying in London — a two year lease and some intensive interior decorating. However, any doubts that I had about moving from my shared-house to my own place was wiped away last night.

I was very fortunate through a friend in New York to be introduced to a girl a year younger than me, but who had a room in her mother’s house that I could rent. I am staying with her mother and brother. They have been very welcoming and I always consider myself lucky that I found her; it helped with my transition and gave me someplace stable and affordable while I looked to step up.

The daughter lives on her own, not too far away with her own young family, and the mother is a nurse who is a workaholic. The son, who is 30, stays at home. When I talked to him, he told me he was out of work and had been for two years — it had gave me anxiety about how difficult it must be to find work, especially skilled work (administrative, professional etc..); and I expressed this to my landlady who is more like my UK  mom now, and she always told me not to worry, I will find something– a month later I did.

Now before ya’ll accuse me of being that immigrant that comes and steals local jobs; this job was asking for a specific language skill-set that I have, although they do have positions there for people without being fluent in another language.

Anyway, things have been fine. Really. I did noticed some things about him that really seem strange.

  • Like sleeping all day but up all night “watching TV”.
  • The strong smell of cannabis from his room and from whenever he returned from the garden.
  • As well as up to this point, there has been only two times that I’ve seen him leave the house.

The first time, he escorted me to the post office to exchange my money to GBP currency, and the second time he was on his way to the job center. I assume it is like the United States when you are receiving benefits, every once in a while you have to go and speak with the counselor and show them that you are looking for work etc… but I mean, even the average person wouldn’t want to stay in their house for weeks without leaving? As well as he tended to get “visitors” more often when his mom wasn’t home. Now these visitors never stayed, except for the 1 or 2 friends that he sits on the couch with; most often the doorbell rings, and he goes and gets it, says a few words to someone and they leave.

I guess these Jehovah Witnesses are really active in this neighborhood, and dedicated too! They will come to the door at all hours of the night.

He finally got a job about a month ago, a temporary rolling contract that seems all too common here; but he’s only working until they remove sanctions from him receiving the benefits. So if the job lets him go through no fault of his own, then he can go back on welfare.

What can I say? The benefits system is very strong here; I know there are people who abuse the system in the U.S. too, but I never had an inside knowledge of this.

On Friday, a family friend from France came to visit me for the weekend. I put her up in my room and slept on the floor of the living room. Friday night was fine, although my roommate had to come in two or three times to get to the garden to smoke. I was gone most of Saturday for a tournament, but my friend and him seem to get along very well, they even shared some wine together that she brought from France. So we went to dinner and came back very late – after midnight — and I was completely exhausted. Between playing five softball games and then having to “look alive” for a night in Camden Town I was dead.

**Good news is, my team went into the semi-finals and won the final tournament!!**

He was sitting in the living room, with one of his friend who actually comes to stay, and when I asked where all my belongings were so I could lay them out, he responded that he collected them and put them in my room. I asked him why, and he said he is using the living room and I needed to sleep upstairs. I was surprised, and then his friend — who seemed to understand what is happening — got up quickly to leave. I asked “where? In your room?” I was really confused what he wanted me to do. Because my guest was in my bedroom, and then there is his room and my landlady’s bedroom. So I explained that we have a guest sleeping in my room, and I was going to take the living room for just the next few days, he got very angry and said that it he didn’t know about this, and he didn’t care that there was a visitor here and I said. “Well, she’s here now and there’s nothing we can do…but I need somewhere to sleep – so if you won’t give me your room, and my landlady hasn’t said its OK to use her room, then I have sleep downstairs. He ended by saying I can sleep there, but he will continue to watch TV every night on, no matter what; and I know he watches until 4 or 5 a.m

So I’m wondering if this is cultural, where if I guess is invite over, you share the bedroom together, as oppose to American tradition when you “give” someone your room for his/her stay?

Or is this gentleman not normal?

So, I have been thinking about this and I feel that his behavior adds up to something abnormal. I mean if your entire life involves around sleeping, watching TV, and smoking — and you take away one of those things then the stable triad becomes an unstable being. To me, I thought it would be a minor inconvenience, but nothing to ever write about — but my life revolves around many different things that breaking a routine for a few days wouldn’t make me angry.

However, this isn’t just a “he”problem its a family problem. This morning I suspected that my landlady doesn’t want to talk about it, or maybe she is just tired. Even his sister seem nondescript when I texted her about how upset he became in front of everyone. So, it sounds like they know or its happened before; because I would have expected a stronger reaction — why is a grown man acting like this?

Its true what they say — that when you have nothing left your family will be here for you. And at one end you have to admire that, it takes a lot of patience to deal with someone who is “stuck” and based from what I was told, has been “stuck” or “lost” since he was teen. We have all been lost at one point, whether its for the 6 months you are looking for a new job, or the two years after that divorce. But how long is too long? Why can some people say its enough and try to find their own way, while others do not? And how do families/social network help with finding one’s way?

So what motivates you to do the things you want to do in life? What are your dreams, hopes, and aspirations? How will you attain them– basically whats the difference between sitting on the coach — waiting for things to happen versus pushing you to reach for them?

Tell me @ReporterandGirl or Facebook.



Breakup Survival Kit: Finding Balance as You Cope and Grow

the reporter and the girl, broken heart, heart broken, exgirlfriend, break up

It’s called a breakup for a reason. Not only did your relationship break apart, but it left your heart and life broken into a million pieces. Your every day, memories and dreams are shattered. Following such drastic change, your heart, mind and body are in survival mode, seeking every quick-fix solution to cope and help ease the pain.

Although facing the reality of the breakup and enduring the pain is all part of the healing process — yes, distractions do help you move on. Remember, this a time to reflect, learn and grow. So, seek positive distractions that align with your goals and propel you to thrive.

Also, use balance as your foundation. Throwing yourself into your career? Overworking can become unhealthy, mentally and physically. And if you dive headfirst into the dating game, you may be setting yourself up for emotional turmoil and another failed relationship by not take some time to grow alone after your breakup.

You’ve pulled yourself out from under the covers. Ready to take on the world? Check out this guide that incorporates balanced living for the woman who can conquer it all on her own.

Career Goals + Exercise

  • Focus on Your Career: More than ever now, you may feel motivated to take that next step in your career. This is a time to focus on you and set independent goals to help you grow into your best self — and this may mean within your profession. Take the plunge and earn an advanced degree or additional certification. Ask your boss for opportunities where you can extend yourself more or learn a new skill to elevate your position. Or this could be the motivation you need to leave behind an insufferable job. Looking for something more meaningful? Teaching and healthcare positions aren’t the only challenging, yet highly rewarding careers that make a positive impact on people’s lives. The world — and job marketplace — is your oyster!
  • Stay Active: Working overtime to prove your dedication can help with your growth game in the office (and maybe even in your bank account), but you don’t want to burn out. Break away from the computer, laptop, tablet and phone and get moving. Whether you jog outside or take a yoga class, exercising will improve your mood, while keeping you healthy. Exercise has direct stress-busting benefits (for those long work hours), and lowers symptoms associated with mild depression and anxiety (for those moments you miss your ex), according to Mayo Clinic.

Friends, Family + Solitude

  • Use Your Support System: Even though it’s hard to believe right now, this breakup is a breakthrough. Rely on your friends and family to talk out your feelings during the recovery process. This may also be a great opportunity to reconnect with an old friend with whom you lost touch with during your relationship. If you need to build a brand-new social circle, check out, where you can meet new people who share similar interests. Down the road, these meet-ups may even lead you to a new romantic love interest without the pressure of a date or third-party setup.
  • Don’t Forget to Soul Search, Alone: Reserve time for yourself to let go, grieve, learn, heal and stay mindful. If you constantly distract yourself with happy hours or immediately sign up for the latest dating app, you won’t truly find peace. Since this is the time to focus on yourself, dig deep and get real. Ask yourself, “What are my non-negotiable values?”, “What do I want, over what do I need?” and “How can I feel empowered and confident, without the dependence of another person?”

So how do you move on from a break up? Do you still think about even though a significant amount of time has passed? Tell me about it @ReporterandGirl or post it on my wall on Facebook.

5 Romantic Ways to Spend Valentine’s Day in New York City

S.C Rhyne, The Reporter and The Girl, IR Blog, BWWM, Valentine's Day, NYC, NYC Taxi Cab,

The Big Apple is chock full of romantic and fun things for couples to do on and around the day devoted to love. This is a tribute to my fans who are in my hometown this Valentine’s Day weekend. I hope these following tips will help you make the most of it!

See a Broadway Show

Do you love musical theater? Then going to a Broadway show is the perfect way to spend Valentine’s Day in NYC. But if the idea of standing in long lines only to find your show is sold out has you feeling a bit nervous, check out the Telecharge website to buy your tickets ahead of time. You can browse through the available shows, pick your seats and buy your tickets with just a few clicks, which will put your minds at ease and give you more time to enjoy the city.

Go to a Dine-in Movie Theater

While dinner and a romantic movie are a nice (if not cliché) way to spend Valentine’s Day with your honey, try a twist on this classic date idea this year. Syndicated, a premiere dine-in movie theater in New York, lets you purchase and enjoy cocktails, a scrumptious meal and the movie all in one place. Movie tickets are an incredibly reasonable $3, and you can dine on dishes like popcorn tuna and slow-cooked lamb ribs. If you need popcorn to enjoy a movie, Syndicated also sells a variety of gourmet flavored popcorn.

Book a Dinner Cruise

If you enjoy sailing, book a dinner cruise with the Hornblower company. The romantic party on the Hudson runs about $125 per person and includes a delicious three-course meal and incredible skyline views. Enjoy dancing with your sweetie and standing at the rails gazing at the views and into each others’ eyes.

Play Board Games

If you and your valentine prefer quiet evenings at home, you can find a romantic and more subdued option in the bustling city. Head to Camp in Brooklyn for a camp-themed retreat. The Boerum Hill bar at Camp resembles a rugged and romantic cabin in the woods. Snuggle (because it will be cold on Sunday) in front of the fireplace with some s’mores, and enjoy an evening of classic board games like Connect 4. If you would like to toast your love, keep the s’mores theme going with a chocolate, graham cracker and marshmallow flavored martini.

Treat Your Sweet to Sweets

Valentine’s Day wouldn’t be complete without some amazing chocolate, and New York City has plenty of places to find the perfect love-themed confectionery. Jacques Torres chocolates can be found throughout the city, and you can purchase a few adorable “love bug” chocolates complete with red lady bug logos. Spring for a chocolate “Do Not Disturb” sign that you can hang on your hotel room door — or nibble on in your room.

Dylan’s Candy Bar in Union Square is another good option. The flagship 3-story store features bright colors, delicious candies and chocolate-covered strawberries that are to die for. If you are feeling on the romantically naughty side, spring for a candy bra or edible chocolate body paint.

So what are your plans (if any) for Valentine’s or Single Awareness Day?

Tell me@ReporterandGirl or on Facebook.

Create a Lasting Bond With Unique Date Ideas

S.C Rhyne, date night, interracial blog, dating advice, couple on date, silhouete of couple

According to the State of Dating Report in America presented by and, 69 percent of singles are at least partially confused about whether or not they’re actually on a date when out with someone they like. Needless to say, it’s probably not a very romantic date if you don’t even know you’re on one. But married couples aren’t off the hook with date night either. A study from the National Marriage Project found “couple time” can lead to a higher quality relationship across levels of communication, sexual satisfaction and commitment.

You probably don’t need anyone to convince you that couple time is important to your relationship’s health as well as your own satisfaction and confidence. Give your next date night a boost and skip dinner and a movie for something more unique.

Go on a Moonlit Canoe Ride

Head out for a romantic moonlight canoe ride for a peaceful glide across the water. Take time to soak in your surroundings, and make a romantic game of who can be the quietest the longest while maintaining eye contact. Bring along your smartphone or iPad to capture some video of the moment with a memorable confessional. Ask each other to share something that will blow the other’s mind, whether it’s an embarrassing moment or first impressions of the other.

Volunteer to Walk Dogs

You don’t need a lot of money or a big idea to turn a date into a unique experience. Volunteer at a local animal shelter to walk dogs in need of some companionship and exercise. The dogs will keep your date lively and the two of you on your toes. Stop by a dog park and get into the fun with a rousing game of fetch or chase. You’ll end up letting your guard down and seeing a playful side of each other that gets lost in the day-to-day.

Browse a Bookstore

A tucked away bookstore full of rare finds, classics and quirky gifts is the perfect spot for a romantic date. Choose an evening when an author is speaking or there’s a book launch and wine hour. Sip wine and browse the store independently while giving each other a challenge. Pick out books you think would be perfect for the other and explain what inspired the choice. End the evening with a new book for your date to unwrap and take home.

Learn to Make Cocktails

Skip drinks sitting at the bar and make your own instead. Grab a cocktail-making book and turn on some jazz, or sign up for a high-energy mixology class. Learn how to mix up tasty drinks and surprise each other with your fun concoctions. Come up with your own signature date night drink to commemorate your time together. Every time you say cheers, you’ll be celebrating your relationship.

Plant a Tree

Set aside the afternoon and evening to plant a tree together and bond over nature. Take a trip to the local nursery to pick out a tree and all the necessary supplies. Or look for local volunteer opportunities to help plant trees in a park in need. Work together to carefully prep and plant your tree and watch the bonding experience unfold. Plan a future date night of walking past your tree and enjoy an evening picnic underneath it.

Do you have ideas or a unique date experience that you’d like to share?

Tell me about them @ReporterandGirl or on Facebook or G+. I’m also on Pinterest, so pin pics to my board!

Staying Warm during Cuffing Season

cuffing season, sweater weather, S.C Rhyne, The reporter and The Girl

Autumn is here, and you can’t deny it. Most of your favorite shows have started in the last couple of weeks:

Walking Dead


Orange is the New Black

It is also the time of apple picking and pumpkin patches, and all those nasty-flavored pumpkin and apple beverages (really, Starbucks – pumpkin spiced latte)! Its sweater weather, and mix that with leggings or jeggings and those new boots that mamma bought and voila, all the dogs come barking to the yard!

sweater weather, no bra, sweatshirt season meme, S.C Rhyne

But cuffing season is more than just the weather getting cold, its about shacking up with someone through the winter.

sweater weather, boyfriend material, ryan reynolds, S.C Rhyne, The Reporter and The Girl

So what is cuffing season? It a phenomenon that’s been anecdotally coined, since there hasn’t been any academic study on it. defines it as, “cuffing season is a portion of the year when men shed their summer bachelor skin and start to feel lonely as the weather turns colder.” A little sexist, as I would like to think that some women do get lonely and seek out partners “to cuff” for the season as well.

But nonetheless, as the last memory of summer disappears, and the skies turn cloudy and darker, hours earlier than before; single people may get lonely, as there aren’t many outdoor events to socialize at, and watching three hours of television after work, at home alone- may be lonely.

When winter really hits, and its just too crappy or cold to venture outside, humans, like most mammals, prefer to stay at home with a hot mug of cocoa and snuggled up next to someone (until April).

Finally, the last catalyst for this height in mating, is the upcoming holidays, literally one right after another. I’m sure we’ve all been through a Thanksgiving or Holiday dinner reunited with extended family members, and that one person asks you who are you dating? When are you finally going to bring someone home? Or my personal favorite, “So-n-so just had a baby, wouldn’t you like to have one?”

Right, I’ll just get to work on that. It was on my Friday to-do list, must have overlooked it when I was crossing off, “buy stamps”,  “asking out the mailman” and “wrapping his package.”

So, Thanksgiving through Valentine’s are the major coupled holidays, and less important would be Easter, but generally as the weather warms up, people emerge from their caves, and basketball starts again, thus the desire to be single again springs.

So how can you avoid becoming a victim of cuffing season?

Recognize the behavior, exes or the guy that you talked to over the summer, is all of sudden blowing up your phone and “showing up” places where you normally are.  Apparently, we have not seen the worst of it, it gets most aggressive the last week of October through November.

Play it cool and watch the behavior carefully.

Also, cuffing season isn’t for everyone, if you can’t throw the ball — step to the sideline, please.

There is always the potential for love. Not many people will “consciously” start relationships for cuffing season, but there are primal instincts that drive this behavior. However, it is just as likely as any other relationship to fail.

Some top examples of cuffing:

September is the busiest month for weddings.

Everyone is announcing their engagements on Facebook.

Everyone is announcing their pregnancy on Facebook.

Ex-boy(girl)friend texting you out of the blue asking, “how stuff is.”

You are receiving random invitations to BBQ’s or other functions from a suitor.

So, have you been a victim of cuffing season? Or are you a seasonal player? I’d like to know your experiences.

Tell me @ReporterandGirl or Facebook or G+

Living Better, Single

deep conversation, brilliant mind, beautiful soul, relationship meme, S.C. Rhyne, The Reporter and The Girl

The important word here is, “living”. We sometimes forget that despite the obstacles and hardships we face, life still goes on.  We cannot get stuck.

I have been “stuck” these last two weeks, but slowly my feet are trudging through the thick mud so I can live. I heard back from one school, and the professor will not take on my research proposal, so I won’t apply. I still have to hear from one more…so time will tell.

I started getting momentum towards the end of the week when I scouted out another school and emailed a couple of professors. One replied on Friday asking for my draft proposal, so I’m back on the ball! As long as I keep applying…I’ll keep moving in the right direction.

As I try to get other pieces moving in the right direction, this weekend, I thought about what it means to be single. I spent both Friday and Saturday night at home and the days were unremarkable, as there weren’t any events by me, and no one to hang out with. Not a bad thing, as I had a pretty wild one last weekend that resulted in getting an extra hole…somewhere.

Per discussion with a friend, I asked why some people are constantly in relationships,and how they manage to sometimes go from one to another with seemingly short periods of singleness.

“I like being in relationships and having someone to connect with”.

“I like being with someone and not alone”:

“I get lonely and its great having someone to talk or be with”.

“I hate being single”.

By the way, all of these statements were said by men. Surprise right? Despite the stony macho wall that most guys put up, these guys were “relationship oriented”. You’ll also notice that the statements are about connecting on an emotional level and not just about sex. And I also have some old male friends that recently (as of Sunday) put a ring on their relationships.

All these reasons (except for the last one), are great things to have in a relationship: connection, companionship, and communication. Those guys are lucky to find that in every relationship they dived into, however I wonder what happened to the last “C” (commitment), if they move from one to another seamlessly.

It also makes me ponder why I don’t feel like I need these, as strongly as my friends do.

I was born alone, and statistics show that I will also die alone, and young too. Unless you’re a twin or otherwise, we are all born alone, and very few couples actually die together (unless something horrible happened). So I always enjoyed my own company, even when I’m out, I’m still usually in my head.

Chey B, calls this “single by design“. Before anyone is in a relationship, you are single first.The way you define yourself now, is how your partner will see you when you pair up. How you take care of YOU – inside and out, will show when you are partnered up and may determined how successful you are in a relationship.

In other words, if you are lonely or do not enjoy your own company, chances are that other people will not enjoy your company too. If you do not enjoy hanging out with you, then why would someone else enjoy being with you?

I also feel the need to put a disclaimer here: There is a difference between lonely and being alone. Many people can be alone (physically) but not feel lonely (emotional). If someone is feeling lonely, this is internal and not something a “relationship” will solve.

Being single is the opportunity to design yourself and grow to your fullest potential. Of course, when you’re ready you can share the fruits of your labor with someone worthy.


Again, you worked hard on growth and development, you will want to share it with someone that will appreciate it. Many of the statements listed above reveal persons who may not be fully developed and ready for a relationship. Hence, they may make bad partners, and we have all had bad partners. So make sure you pair up with the right person at the right time. You don’t want to jump in only to be tossed back out by being single by default.

So tell me 3  traits in each of the following categories:

  •  3 things that you are good at, or that make you awesome
  • 3 things that you want to accomplish or do
  • 3 things that you want to improve or get better at

Three things that make me awesome:

I can leg press up to 360 pounds, I’m very organized, and I can tie a cherry stem into a knot with my tongue.

Three things that I want do:

Go back to school! Travel to Africa and the Middle East, learn another language and target shooting.

Three things I need to improve:

The languages I had already learned (I’m forgetting Italian, Mandarin, and French since I don’t use those often), stop biting my nails, be better at communication, especially my feelings.

So let me know on Facebook, Twitter, G+, or post it on my board!